Page 4 of Apathy
With one swift move, I placed all three of them in my mouth, then reached for the bottle of water, uncapping it and taking one big gulp. I wanted to close my eyes and forget about everything around me, but I knew if I did that, silence wouldn’t be greeting me. Every time I closed my eyes, I could feel his filthy hands on my skin. Just like a whisper, his voice was always ringing in my ear, and no matter how much I tried, I could never escape.
Lifting my eyes toward the rearview mirror, I adjusted it so that I could check my makeup. The bruise on my cheek was almost gone, but I couldn’t risk anybody asking about it or where I got it, so I managed to hide it with layers of foundation. My lifeless blue eyes stared back at me, and I realized how pale I was, even with the soft blush I applied this morning. I usually didn’t bother with makeup, but when Lauren, my best friend, mentioned how frail and pale I started looking, I knew I had to do something. At least my pale blonde hair wasn’t tied in a bun today. Some days, even breathing took too much energy from me, so taking a shower and washing my hair should be regarded as a grand feat.
While the tourists loved visiting our town during the summer, going into the mountains and renting the cabins there, soaking in the sun, I preferred the four walls of my room and books to be my company. It’s been getting harder pushing my body to get out of the bed in the morning, feeling achy, uncomfortable, and just wanting to disappear.
But I had to survive this year and then I would be free.
I pushed open the door of my car, taking my bag with me and shivering from the early chill Winworth was famous for. It didn’t matter which time of year it was; mornings were always fucking cold. I looked up toward the mountains surrounding us, seeing the fog still lingering on the top, hiding the forest in its cold embrace.
Voices traveled toward me, one in particular annoying the shit out of me. I didn’t have the strength to deal with Kane this early in the morning, especially not after everything that has happened between us. My brother never really liked him, and maybe I should’ve listened to him.
God, I missed Dylan.
He was four years older than me, and on days like today, my whole being missed him, wishing for him to come home. He left Winworth three years ago to study in Seattle, and while he was less than four hours away, it still felt like an eternity between his visits. He came only once this summer, and that once wasn’t nearly enough for me. He promised to visit during September, since our father kept him in Seattle during the summer, showing him the ropes in our company. I hated it.
I wanted my brother back. I know, I know, it wasn’t healthy clinging to someone like this, but Dylan was the only one who could understand me, or, well, at least what I was willing to share with him. He was also the only one who could still make me laugh. The last two years without him constantly by my side felt like an eternity without the sun.
Even now, as I walked across the schoolyard, heading toward the door and avoiding the stares of seniors gathered on the staircase, the only thing I could see were the memories of the first day of high school and Dylan driving me. It was just too bad that he wasn’t enough to keep the monsters at bay.
“Skylar!” I turned around and saw Lauren heading in my direction, looking happy. Way too happy for eight in the morning. Her auburn hair bounced around her shoulders as she caught up with me, her lips spreading into a smile. “What’s up, Sugar Bum?”
I scowled. “You’re way too happy today.”
“You would be too if you listened to me when I told you to stop by my house before school.” I looked at her eyes, seeing the dilated pupils and redness taking over the otherwise white sclera. I wanted to laugh because I couldn’t remember a single school year that didn’t start with her high and me scowling.
“What did you take, bish?” I pushed her shoulder, earning a cheeky smile.
“A little bit of this, a little bit of that,” she started explaining as she hugged my shoulders and started pushing me toward the entrance. “I brought some for you as well.”
“What if I don’t want it?” I asked. “What if I’m turning over a new leaf this year?” We knew that was highly unlikely to happen.
“Bitch, please.” She scoffed. “The day you turn over a new leaf and say no to the goodies I manage to snatch from my brother, would be the day that the sun properly shines in Winworth.”
She had a point there. I loved running away from reality, so much so that on some days, I couldn’t tell the difference between what was real and what was fake. And I loved it. I loved those moments where I couldn’t hear anything but my heartbeat thundering in my ears. Or when my mind didn’t try to remind me of everything that was waiting for me outside of the sweet oblivion drugs were providing.
“What’s your first class?” she asked as we reached the entrance to the school. “I have biology with Mrs. Raleigh,” she groaned.
“You mean… Medusa?” I made a face. There was a story from the older generations that Mrs. Raleigh could literally turn you into stone with her cold and impassioned face. Her classes were the only ones I never tried to skip because I knew what the consequences were and if I could help it, I wouldn’t be failing biology.
“Don’t fucking remind me. She’s probably gonna start talking about meiosis and mitosis, and I am not high enough to actually listen to that crap today.”
“You never actually listen to her.” I laughed. “I don’t know how you do it, but she never calls you out for your half-assed presence and the other shit you tend to pull.”
“It’s just part of my charm.” She snickered. “But for real,” she lowered her voice, “I’m going to combust if I have to listen to them the whole day. Kane and the gang were talking about going to the crypt today.”
That made me perk up. “When?”
“Fourth period? Are you free or—”
“I will be.” I grinned as the bell started ringing. Students started rushing around us, heading toward their classrooms. “I’ll see you later?” I looked at her. “I’ll just head to the crypt after the third period. Okay?”
“Absolutely.”
Maybe today wouldn’t be a bad day, after all.
Skylar
I always hated the smell of this school. No matter how many times they renovated it, how many times they tried to make it look more modern, more approachable, the moldy smell always stayed. Generations have passed through these halls, and no matter how many times they try to cover that wall next to the classroom for biology that had a red circle painted by some vandals years ago, it always seemed to seep through the white color. I was still in elementary school when that incident happened, but the whole town talked about it the entire year. They never caught the culprits.
