Page 45 of Equilibrium
“We had barbeque today.” He laughed. “You didn’t eat, or you—”
“I did, but it wasn’t enough.”
I wasn’t going to tell him I basically inhaled three burgers with French fries on the side, while Zoe talked my ear off. I had to pretend I was at least a little bit girly.
As soon as I thought that a snort came out of me, because girly and I didn’t mesh together in one sentence. Ava tried for years to make me wear cute flowery dresses, heels, and clothes that were more colorful than what I usually wore. And she failed.
I always envied those girls that could pull those looks, but on the couple of occasions I wore a dress, including my unforgettable engagement announcement night, I felt like a clown. Okay, that comparison was completely wrong. Even clowns wore those tutu dresses from time to time. I looked like a gremlin that couldn’t sit with her legs crossed together even if my life depended on it.
Cillian often used to ask,Can you please act like a girl?Which always went with theNofrom my side. Besides, who got to say what a girl should act like?
We could be both soft and strong. Light and dark. Moody and happy. Nobody had a right to tell us how we should look, how we should act, and whom we should date. I mean, men went around like free lollipops were being shared, jumping from girl to girl, but when a chick does anything remotely similar; she must be a whore.
They could all fuck off, because there was nothing wrong in acting the way you felt the most comfortable to act.
Storm took a hold of my hand, and my heart started beating frantically against my ribcage as his warm, calloused fingers wrapped around my much tinier ones, pulling me toward one of the stands. Kieran never held my hand because I didn’t want him to.
Storm didn’t even ask.
My neck itched, and the pent-up energy from the last three days was brewing inside my chest, and the idiot whose back was basically turned to me as he talked to the lady at the counter didn’t know he was five seconds from getting his balls smashed. Though, I wasn’t sure what pissed me off more—the fact that he held my hand, or the fact that the cute little brunette working behind the counter, taking our order, batted her lashes one too many times at him, biting her lip and smiling at him.
I seriously needed to rein in the green monster that latched itself to me, because Storm wasn’t mine. I couldn’t even say anything, and it wasn’t like he was flirting with her. But my hands itched to wrap around her pretty little neck and strangle the life out of her.
As if sensing my mood turning sour, he turned to me, questioning me with his eyes, but I didn’t budge. Admitting I didn’t like the way she looked at him would mean admitting I was jealous, and I could already see how that would go. I was already pulling him in all different directions, and I still remembered the pissed look he got when he realized I wasn’t going to ride with him.
God, I was a reckless fuck. I had no idea what he was like, but the possessive demeanor he had ever since he came back—yes, I know it was only two days, but it was enough to know that he wouldn’t mind smashing somebody’s head in—told me he might as well kick Atlas’s ass for the way I behaved.
Don’t fucking ask me why. I had never really understood the inner workings of the male brain, and I didn’t even want to try. I already had enough shit running through my head and trying to understand them would be like taking that physics class all over again—almost impossible.
“What are you frowning at?” Those three little lines that gathered around his eyes became more prominent as his scowl deepened, and I wondered if he got those because he always had a pissed-off look on his face, or because of the sun. I didn’t even know how old he was.
“Nothing.” I tried to pull my hand back, but this fucking behemoth wouldn’t budge. If anything, he pulled me closer, almost plastering me to his side. When I looked to the side, the chick that was taking his order was frowning, and the deep-seated pleasure coated my insides, knowing it was because of me.
Sue me, I was a raging bitch these days, but some animalistic part of me claimed him as mine, and even though I didn’t want to stay, I still wanted him to look only at me. Which was fucked up beyond comprehension, but it wasn’t like he gave me a choice.
If only he let me go back after the church, we wouldn’t be here, standing so close together, with me frowning at the poor lady that probably couldn’t help herself after she saw the handsome fucker.
I snuggled against him, soaking in the heat of his body, and holy hell—it was like standing next to the heater. Why was it that guys were almost always more resilient to cold than chicks? I mean, I went through some extreme situations, but you can bet your ass that I never wore those tiny little coats when I visited Russia, because I wanted to keep both of my kidneys.
His eyes were on me, but I refused to look at him. I thought we were going to talk and I would be able to explain to him—again, might I add—why I had to leave. He offered to help me find Maya, but I couldn’t ask that from them. Besides, that impending doom called Nikolai Aster was coming closer, I was sure of that, and they shouldn’t be in the direct line of his wrath.
Over the years, I noticed the number of Syndicate’s soldiers following me around, but every single one of them either lost the track or ended up dead. Daddy dearest was trying to show me that he still held all the pawns in the palm of his hand, and even if I changed my name to Pepito and moved to Mexico, he could still find me.
Okay, Mexico was way too close. Maybe Spain?
“Let’s wait over there, Sunshine.”
He didn’t wait for me to agree or disagree, but instead started pulling me with him, all the way to the tables with benches, right next to a couple with a young kid. I had nothing against kids, as long as they stayed away from me. Hell, I didn’t know what to do with kids when I was a kid.
The little girl turned to us from her mother’s lap, her two pigtails bouncing on top of her head. Storm ignored the kid, probably not even seeing her, but I did. I noticed all of them because they either reminded me of a kid Ava could’ve had or the kids whose lives I took by taking them to the Syndicate.
I quickly shook off the path my thoughts were trying to take me to, walking to the other side of the table, when Storm’s hand shot out, grasping mine and pulling me to where he was sitting.
“Seriously? It isn’t like I could run away.” The angry flare of his eyes told me everything I needed to know. He did think I would run away, and it bothered him—a lot.
“Just... Sit here, okay? There are people even here that are not exactly friendly with us, and I would rather keep you close. Just in case.”
Just in case? In case somebody starts shooting at us? I’ve been in worse situations, but at least I had my weapons with me then. Being here like a sitting duck didn’t bode well with me, but it wasn’t like I could get away from him.
