Page 130 of Equilibrium
“You don’t know me. Revenge against my father was more important than me, so don’t fucking sit there and pretend that you do, because you will never get to know me. You want me gone? Fine, baby. I’ll be gone. I’ll be just a memory after today, and if I ever see you again, I will kill you, Storm. Mark my fucking words.”
I wanted her gone, but every word she spoke, every look directed at me felt like lava and I realized that she wasn’t the only person who’d fucked up here. The problem was, now was too late to try to fix it. It was too late to try and salvage this thing between us.
“Storm,” Indigo called from the front seat, the volume of the music lowered down. “I think we have a problem.”
God, could anything go okay today? Ophelia stiffened and looked at him.
“What’s wrong?” she asked instead of me.
“Nobody is answering back at the club. I’ve tried reaching all the guys and none of them answered. Something’s happened, I am sure of it.”
“Oh my God.” She covered her mouth with her hand. “It’s Nikolai.” She looked at me. “It’s my father.”
“What are you talking about?”
“He left me a letter, threatening all of you. That’s how I overheard that conversation with Creed. I was trying to find him to figure out a way to protect you guys.”
She was trying to protect us?
“How much longer ’til we reach there?” she asked.
“Twenty minutes, give or take.” Indigo looked at me through the rearview mirror, but I was too busy staring at Ophelia.
“Do you have any weapons in the car?” she asked.
“No, you aren’t fighting.”
“Like hell I’m not,” she argued. “Do you have weapons or not? Knives, guns—”
“I know what weapons are, smartass. And yes, we do have them, but you aren’t going to fight.”
“Storm,” she inched closer to me, “I am and you can’t stop me. He came because of me, and I won’t stand on the side and do nothing. Now, do you have some fucking weapons here or not?”
God, I wanted to kiss her and knock her out just so that she wouldn’t be in danger. I was so fucking angry at her, but I was also terrified, because if Nikolai Aster really did come to the club, none of us were safe, least of all her.
There were somany things I wanted to say, so many reasons I wanted to give, explanations to provide, but I didn’t. No matter what I said, no matter what I did, I had lost him. His words played on repeat in my head, slowly breaking the mask I put on. And what did I expect? That he would pat me on the shoulder and open his arms to me after I fucked Kieran? Storm didn’t operate that way.
Didn’t I do the same thing when Kieran cheated on me? I could never erase that picture from my head. I lived with that pain in my heart, with sorrow, and I caused the same to Storm. After today, he was going to be just another demon haunting my soul, yet he was the only one I wanted to stay.
I wanted to stay with him, dammit. I wanted to beg for forgiveness, to ask him about Logan, to apologize for what I said in the car, but I couldn’t. My fucking ego wouldn’t let me talk even though I was the one that fucked up.
Don’t forget that he betrayed you.
I fucking knew that! But I kept going on and on about the same thing, and I wasn’t sure that what I heard was the full story. Hell, I heard only one side of that conversation. Did he try to sell me to the highest bidder, or was I just using it as an excuse to run away? You didn’t have to be a genius to realize that I had issues with intimacy, with letting other people come too close. I always waited for the other shoe to drop so that I could run.
I sneaked a glance at him, memorizing his profile—every curve, the sharp jaw, tattoos running along his neck, because I knew I would never get to touch him, again. I would never get to kiss him, hold him, love him... I would never... God, this hurt. My eyes misted as the bitter truth slowly settled into the pit of my stomach. I would never hear his voice.
The silence between us was louder than words, but this is what I did. I pushed the people I cared about away. I pushed until they had nothing left to give, until they became too tired to care. Loneliness was a heady feeling, and I never knew when to stop.
When was it going to be enough?
His fist was pressed against his mouth, and true to his word, he never once looked at me. And I just wanted him to look, I wanted him to see how scared I was. I wanted him to see how much love I had to give. How sorry I was. I didn’t want to lose him or these feelings that came with him.
“Is anyone responding?” he asked Indigo, slicing my chest open. Couldn’t he see I was bleeding in front of him? I was wide open, he just had to ask the questions.
Did you really think he would want to do anything with you?
Yes, I fucking did because I wasn’t the only one who fucked up. Maybe I was a disaster, maybe I didn’t deserve to be happy, but I wasn’t the only one who messed up here. I ran away, I betrayed him, but he also betrayed me.
