Page 128 of Equilibrium
The next moment, his chest was in front of my eyes, and the other hand that wasn’t holding the gun wrapped around my neck pulling me to him. His gun clattered to the ground and he enveloped me in his embrace, holding me tightly.
The shuffling of feet behind me told me that Kieran managed to leave the room, and I prayed that he and Cillian would be able to get out of here alive.
“Why did you leave, Ophelia?” His voice was muffled against my hair. “Why the fuck did you have to leave?”
“Why did you lie?” I asked him. It was apparently the wrong thing to ask because in the next moment, my back was against the wall, with his arms caging me.
“I never lied.” His forehead was against mine, his breathing labored.
“No? What about Logan?”
“Fuck.” He slammed his hand next to my head, making me wince from the sheer force of that hit. I wasn’t sure if he would be able to hurt me in this state, but I wanted him to try.
“Storm?”
“Just get out of here, Ophelia. There’s a car outside. Indigo is there.”
“No.” I stood my ground. “You need to talk to me.”
He turned toward me, and I hated seeing this expression on his face—this crazed, panicked, hurt expression. I took a step closer, thinking he would let me touch him. I thought he would let me explain, but that didn’t happen. Instead, he pushed me away.
He. Pushed. Me. Away.
That shit hurt more than getting stabbed.
“Just get out, Ophelia. I don’t have enough strength to deal with your ass right now.”
“No, Storm—”
“Get the fuck out!” His voice boomed around us and the realization that I might have lost him dug deep into my bones. His gaze was fixed to the wall behind my head as my ribcage became too tight, too small, because I couldn’t breathe.
I couldn’t fucking breathe properly as it all slammed into me. As I realized what I’d done.
I lost him. I fucking lost him.
Music played in the background,breaking the painful silence we were captured in, yet I couldn’t register the words. Not one. My mind was a thousand miles away from here, replaying the memories of the last month like a movie, like an unattainable dream because that’s all it would ever be—a dream. This hurt more than chains around my hands and whips on my back. If she had shot me, it would hurt less because this burning sensation spreading through my body, this rage simmering over my skin, this was too much to bear.
She did the one thing I couldn’t forgive. I didn’t know how. The picture of her wrapped in Kieran’s arms was burned in my mind, and it hurt. God, it hurt more than anything I had experienced. Logan’s words came back, reminding me that I didn’t really know her. She could appear as a little lamb, like the sweetest dream, but she was a nightmare wrapped in a shiny package and I was a fool for believing that she could be mine.
Ophelia didn’t belong to anyone but herself. She didn’t care about anything but her goals and desires and I was just a pit stop on the road, just a distraction.
We sat inches away from each other, but we were separated by secrets and pain much larger than the two of us. The girl I met four years ago was just a product of my imagination, because I didn’t know this version of her. I thought that what we had was real, that she was the one I could tell all my secrets to… But she wasn’t.
I rubbed at the spot on my chest, where my heart hid beneath my ribcage, feeling as if it was going to burst out. It didn’t belong to me anymore, it belonged to her even though she didn’t deserve it.
I caught Indigo’s eyes in the rearview mirror, thankful he came with me to find her because I was in no state to drive. While my insides were being eaten by worry that something had happened to her, she was enjoying herself in the arms of one of the men I wanted to kill. And why the fuck wasn’t he dead? She destroyed what little sanity I was holding onto when she stepped in front of me and placed the barrel of my gun to her forehead. She was protecting him.
She was protecting the son of a bitch that caused her more harm than good, and that’s when I knew. I would never have her. I might have her body, but her mind and her soul belonged to somebody else, and no matter what I did, it would never be enough. I could feel her anger, I could feel the violent energy rolling off her in waves, but I couldn’t find it in myself to care about her feelings right now.
I couldn’t because she just broke my fucking heart, and I wasn’t sure if she even cared.
She pulled her legs up, hugging her knees to her chest, and God, I still wanted to feel her touch. I just didn’t want to hurt her, not right now, not like this. She didn’t deserve to see what she did to me, how much she destroyed me.
“You know,” she started with her head still turned toward the window. “I wanted to stay. I wanted to be your forever, but you are just like all of them. Aren’t you, Storm?” She turned, knocking the wind from me with the expression on her face. “You can stop pretending, baby,” she mocked on a smile as tears continued streaming down her cheeks. “You can drop the act, because I know you were working with Logan.”
“What are you talking about?” Fuck. Was that why she ran? Did she somehow find out about the deal?
“Did it amuse you guys, pulling the strings and making me believe in a lie?” She looked at me then Indigo, who kept his eyes on the road. “What was the expiration date, Storm?” She laughed. “Tell me!” Her eyes were filled with tears, her cheeks red, lips trembling. “I know I fucked up, trust me, I do. But how could I fuck up when what we had wasn’t even real?”
