Page 50 of Fire
“I carried that on to every personal relationship. I twisted myself up just like one of your impossible yoga positions, trying to please people so they’d love me. It never worked, and I realized it was because I didn’t deserve friendship or love.
“Until you.” He points to me, almost accusingly. “To you, I was horrible, my most awful self, and you ended up liking me anyway.”
Way more than like, but he’s on a roll. I won’t interrupt.
“And that, plus having a kick-ass friend like Dream, made me figure some things out.” He pauses, and I motion for him to go on.
His eyes blaze. “Fuck my parents and everybody I tried connecting with who rejected me.”
“They’re all assholes,” I growl.
“Yeah. Yeah, they are, but I don’t care anymore because I finally realized I deserve more.”
He points at me almost accusingly. “I deserve you.”
My heart revs into overdrive at hearing his words, and Evan almost hyperventilates from saying them. I take a step toward him to try to calm him down, but he starts pacing again.
“And you know what?” he asks. But before I can answer, he does it for me. “You deserve me too.”
His hands grab his hair as he paces across the rug in front of the fireplace over and over again. “I know you do,” he says, almost to himself.
I so want to grab him and take him in my arms, but I’ve learned this is how he works out his thoughts and feelings, and I need to give him the space to do that.
He stops as a look of panic crosses his face. “At least, I really hope you do.” He turns pleading eyes on me. “Please, please deserve me.”
“Evan—”
“I’m pretty sure you do,” he rushes out. “The way you look at me. The way you touch me. Oh God, the way you touch me.” His voice goes slow and dreamy, just like he sounds when I’m buried deep inside him. “You make me feel so damned deserved.”
For a minute, he seems caught up in a fantasy but then shakes himself and returns his attention to me. He clears his throat. “So yeah, I think you so deserve me because—because?—”
I think I know what Evan is trying to say, but I’m terrified of being wrong.Fuck I hope I’m not wrong. “Because what?” I demand.
He stops, closes his eyes, and takes a deep, centering breath like I taught him. When he opens his eyes, they bravely lock on mine. “Because I love you, and I’m pretty sure you love me too.”
The time for giving Evan his personal space is over. I have him in my arms in seconds, and I crow, “Fuck yeah, I do!”
Tears come to his eyes. “Really?” he asks, his voice breaking.
“Really.” I take his head in my hands. “I think I’ve been in love with you pretty much from the beginning,” I tell him and then kiss him. Maybe I’m imagining it, but the kiss feels even more out of this world than usual, with the taste of the words ‘I love you’still on his lips.
Of course, one kiss is not enough. Not when I can show him with each touch how I feel about him. Even more addicting, I can feel his love for me in his responses.
I press worshipful kisses on his face and neck, the gentleness the exact opposite of the connection we made last night, but in its own way just as intense.
I slowly walk him backward until his knees are against my bed—our bed.Pulling his t-shirt off, I bend slightly to kiss his chest, loving the feel of his tight, budded nipples under my tongue. Then, I unzip his jeans and push them down until they pool at his feet and he can step out of them.
He stands in front of me completely naked.
He's beautiful like this. I let my hand follow the path the muted sunlight shining through the cabin’s window takes over his skin. His eyes go lazy at my soft touch and lets out a sigh that sounds like Delilah purring. I capture his mouth to taste it.
With a little push, he falls bonelessly back on the bed, his arms and legs sprawled loosely across the sheets. I shed my clothing and quickly follow after him where I methodically taste every inch of his skin and claim it as mine.
When I’m done with his skin. my mouth travels across his body to swallow his cock. He cries out and his hips jerk up at the feel of my wet, hot mouth devouring him. I press an arm over them and press him firmly into the mattress. I work him over until he’s trembling. I’m tempted to bring him over the edge, but as much as I want to taste his cum on my tongue, I want something else more. I pull off of his cock and wait a few seconds for his brain to retain its ability to understand sentences.
“I want to fuck you without using a condom tonight if you feel safe enough with me to do that?” He looks up at me in surprise. “I was tested before I came to Chicago, and there hasn’t been anybody, but you since.”
“I want that too,” Evan rushes out. “MY last tests were negative and I’m on Prep.” He looks at me in wonder. “I’ve never been with anyone without a condom before.”
