Page 59 of Renegade Kingdom
“I wish an apology could fix the things between us.” His voice was subdued, lacking its usual impatient edge. “I would apologise a thousand times if it would help. I would prostrate myself before you, renounce every oath I ever took, do whatever penance you required. If any of it would undo the hurt I’ve caused.”
I stared at the trees, not trusting myself to look at him.
“You’re the closest thing I’ve ever had to a daughter,” Fizzle continued. “I watched you grow up, Alyssandra. I was there for your first steps, your first words, your first sparks of magic. I helped your parents nurture your power, taught you how to control it, guided you through every stage of your development.” His voice cracked, just slightly. “I regret everything. No oath was worth losing you. Nothing was worth this distance between us.”
I sighed again, and it came out more like a shudder.
I knew my feelings were valid. I knew I had every right to be angry, to feel betrayed, to struggle with the revelation that the creature I’d trusted most had been keeping secrets from me my entire life. But I also knew that I was tired. Exhausted in a way that went beyond physical. And the thought of carrying this anger into the forest, into the battles to come, felt like more weight than I could bear.
“I hate it too,” I admitted. “This distance. This coldness. I miss you, Fizzle. I miss being able to tell you what I’m thinking without wondering what you’re not telling me. I miss having you by my side without this wall between us.”
“Then let us tear the wall down.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Why not?” He shifted on my shoulder, his talons tightening slightly. “The secrets are out now. All of them. You know what I was sworn to do, why I couldn’t tell you the truth. We’re heading to the one place where all the secrets come to an end. So why can’t we start again?”
I thought about it. Really thought about it, standing there at the edge of the Wildling Forest with the weight of a realm on my shoulders and an impossible journey ahead of me. Did I want to carry this grudge forever? Did I want to let secrets and silence poison the one relationship that had sustained me through the darkest parts of my life?
The answer, when it came, was surprisingly clear.
“I need you,” I said finally. “By my side. If I’m going to have any chance of getting through this, I need the Fizzle I grew up with. The one who pushed me and challenged me and never let me get away with feeling sorry for myself.”
Fizzle huffed, and it was such a familiar sound that I felt tears prick at the corners of my eyes.
“Did I teach you nothing?” he demanded, his voice regaining some of its usual impatient snap. “You never needed me, Alyssandra. You never neededanyone. You were born to do this. Born to save us all. Everything I did, every lesson I taught, every secret I kept, it was all just... shaping what was already there.”
I turned my head to look at him, surprised. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that you would have become this person with or without my guidance. The power was always in you. The courage. The determination. I just helped you find it faster.” His eyes, ancient and knowing, met mine. “You never needed protecting, even when you were a child. You were a force of nature waiting to be unleashed.”
“No pressure, then,” I muttered, but there was no heat in it. “It kinda messes with your head, you know. Knowing that you werecreated to do something like this. That your whole existence is tied to a purpose you didn’t choose.”
Fizzle’s beak darted out and nipped my ear. Hard enough to sting, familiar enough to shock a laugh out of me.
“Are you being purposefully obtuse?” he demanded.
I stared at him, rubbing my ear, caught somewhere between indignation and sudden, overwhelming affection. “Did you just bite me?”
“I nipped you. There’s a difference. And you deserved it for being foolish.” He huffed, his feathers fluffing out in agitation.
The laugh that escaped me was genuine this time, rising from somewhere deep in my chest. I’d missed this. Missed his sharp tongue and his casual violence and the way he never let me wallow in self-pity for more than five seconds before dragging me back to reality.
“I missed this,” I admitted, the words coming out rougher than I intended. “Missed you.”
Fizzle’s tail wrapped around my neck, soft and warm, and I felt him relax against my shoulder in a way he hadn’t since before the revelations at Ice Falls.
“I missed it too,” he said quietly. Then, in a firmer voice: “But you need to understand something, Alyssandra. Nymeria may have made you. She may have given you access to the magic, shaped your potential, set you on this path. But she did the same for Arik, and look at where he is now.”
I stiffened at my brother’s name, but Fizzle continued before I could respond.
“The fact that you’re here, that you’re willing to put everything on the line for this realm and the people and creatures in it, that’s not because of Nymeria. That’s not because of prophecy or fate or destiny. That’s all just... you.” His talons tightened on my shoulder, not with pain this time, but with emphasis. “Arik was given the same gifts and he chose destruction. You weregiven the same gifts and you chose salvation. The magic doesn’t determine who you are.You do.”
I wanted to believe him. I wanted to let those words sink into my bones and become part of my foundation. But as I turned to look at the forest, at the darkness waiting between the trees, doubt crept in despite my best efforts.
Maybe Maddox was right. Maybe we should pull back to the Spring Court. Fortify. Gather more fighters. Train with our magic until we were truly ready. We were all getting stronger every day. The bonds were deepening, the power was growing, the connection to the realm was solidifying. Maybe, given time, we could build an army capable of facing Arik on equal terms.
Maybe walking into this forest wasn’t the answer at all.
