Page 15 of Renegade Kingdom
It stung that I still cared enough about him for that to bother me.
I tore my gaze away from Rhidian’s shrouded body and made myself walk up the gangplank onto the ship. Every step felt wrong. Like I was trespassing in a place that had once welcomed me. Rhidian’s presence was everywhere here. In the worn wood of the railings, in the smell of salt and tar, in the quiet efficiency of his crew. And now he was gone, and all of it felt hollow.
Damon walked past me toward the hold, his steps measured and deliberate. He didn’t need to be told where to go. He was heading straight for the cells where we’d kept him before. Where he’d kept himself, really. He knew he was dangerous. Knew what the nightmare could do if it took control at the wrong moment.
So he walked himself back into chains without anyone asking him to.
Maddox followed silently behind him, his expression unreadable. He’d stayed close to Damon throughout the entire march, watching over him the way Damon had once watched over the rest of them. The brothers were taking care of each other, even when they didn’t know how to talk about it.
Damon had been... different, these past two days. More present. More himself. He’d stayed close to the children from the camp, watching over them, making sure they ate, that they slept. I hadn’t seen the nightmare surface once since before the battle. Or at least, I didn’t think I had. The nightmare wouldn’t have cared about children. Wouldn’t have spent hours coaxing a terrified little girl to eat her rations or carrying a boy who’d walked until his feet bled.
That had been Damon. The real Damon. Still in there, still fighting.
It gave me hope. Fragile, dangerous hope.
I made my way to the cabin Rhidian had given us. Our cabin, now, I supposed. It felt wrong to claim it. Wrong to be here at all without him.
I didn’t realise how long I’d been standing there, staring at nothing, until Ryder’s voice broke through the fog.
“Alyssa.”
I blinked. He was at my side, his hand running gently down my arm, his voice soft with concern.
“Hey,” he said. “Where’d you go?”
I shook my head, not trusting myself to speak. I didn’t know where I’d gone. Somewhere dark. Somewhere I couldn’t seem to climb out of.
Ryder didn’t push. He just guided me further into the cabin, his movements gentle and unhurried. The others weren’t here, it was just the two of us, alone in the quiet space that still smelled faintly of Rhidian’s presence.
“Come on,” Ryder said. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”
“There’s too much to do,” I protested weakly.
“Tank and the others are organising medical care and food. The crew are already bringing out the supplies. There’s nothing you need to do right now, except take a moment to look after yourself,” he reassured me.
Ryder helped me undress with careful hands, peeling away the layers of dirt and blood and exhaustion that had accumulated over the past days. There was nothing sexual in it. Just tenderness. Just care. He found a basin of water and a cloth, and he washed the mud and blood from my skin with slow, gentle strokes.
I stood there and let him. Let someone else take care of me for once, instead of trying to hold everyone else together.
“The others should be here, doing what they need as well.” I finally managed.
“They will when everything is organised outside. But for now they’re giving you space,” Ryder said. “They’ll be here soon.” He wrung out the cloth and continued his work, carefully washing the grime from my arms. “We figured you needed a minute.”
A minute. Like a minute could fix any of this.
“You’re all treating me like I’m broken,” I said quietly.
Ryder paused, his hands stilling on my shoulders. Then he met my eyes, and there was no pity in his gaze. Just understanding.
“Aren’t you?”
The question hit harder than it should have. Because the answer was yes. Of course it was yes. I was shattered into a thousand pieces and barely holding myself together through sheer stubbornness.
Sister.
The word echoed through my mind again, unbidden. That moment on the battlefield when Arik had looked at me through those cold eyes of one of his Endless and called me…
Sister.
