Page 99 of Edge of Steele
He didn’t want to sit, but he also didn’t want to add to her anxiety. After all, she’d come here to be with him when he’d had to take over Avery’s care. She’d wanted to stay with Russ to arrest Eckles. That had been obvious, but she’d returned to the house with him, likely to support him. He appreciated her consideration and letting everything go so they could enjoy time with Avery during dinner.
The house still smelled like the tangy pizzas they’d each made for the delayed pizza night. Ryleigh had put her all into it, then read to Avery and tucked her into bed. He really would be blessed to have her at his side. He regretted ever breaking things off with her.
He sat next to her and put his feet up on the glass coffee table holding a layer of dust that he never seemed to find time to take care of. The grime bugged his need for orderliness instilled in the military.
“This is Keenan’s opportunity to find out where Carla is,” Ryleigh said. “I’d think he’d jump at the chance to call back.”
“Maybe he knows it’s a trap,” Finn said. “I saw it often enough in ops when subjects wouldn’t bite on bait we dangled for them.”
She looked at him intently. “You miss it, don’t you?”
“I’d be lying if I didn’t say I did.”
She frowned.
He didn’t want to be the cause of her unease. Not now. Not ever. “But I’m coming to accept the change.”
She lifted her hand as if she wanted to touch him, but then let it drop to her knee. “But accepting isn’t really living, is it?”
“No.”
“What do you think it will take for you to find the enthusiasm you used to have for life?” She held his gaze, digging deep. “Your passion for everything you tackled was one of the things I always loved about you.”
Loved about me? As in loved me?He had to ignore that point for now, but he could still answer her question. “With the way Avery is starting to open up, I think it’s already happening.”
But for how long? Would Avery shut down again when Ryleigh left?
He clamped his mouth closed to keep from frowning at the thought of her leaving and drawing even more of her attention.
She grimaced.
Great. He’d failed to hide it. Big time.
“What is it?” She leaned closer, and he caught the sweet scent of her coconut shampoo. “What’s bothering you?”
“You always could read me,” he said, hoping to distract her to keep from answering.
“So, what’s wrong?”
Right. She was as tenacious as he was.
“I’m worried this change in Avery is because of you and your family, not because she’s accepting me. So when you go…” He shrugged because he didn’t want to voice his concern, as he didn’t really want to think it could happen.
“I think you’re worrying for nothing.” She swiveled to face him directly. “I saw Avery’s face when she gave you the bracelet. She’s smitten with the idea of you as her dad. And the nice part is you aren’t replacing her mother because you’re a guy. Avery’s always wanted a dad, and now she has one.”
“True.” He looked at the bracelet.
“But?”
He shrugged again. “I guess since I’ve never been a parent before, I’m uncertain about everything when it comes to Avery. Like what does this bracelet mean? Is it as important to her as it is to me or is it just some craft project?”
“I think it’s very important to her,” Ryleigh said. “I’ve never been a parent either, so take my words for what they’re worth. I suspect the way you feel is the way every new parent feels, whether their child is a day old or seven years old, like Avery.”
“You think so?”
“I do. And I know if I became a mom right now, I would feel that way.”
Oh, wow. That gave him so many visions of a future with her. But they’d never discussed kids. “How do you feel about becoming a mom? Do you want kids?”
