Page 32 of Cabin Fever
I stand there for a full minute before I say anything.
“Need help?”
She shakes her head, still not looking at me. “I’m good.”
The urge to apologize is so strong it burns my throat. Instead, I get plates from the cupboard, set the table, pour water for both of us. We move around each other in complete silence, as if we’ve rehearsed this choreography a hundred times.
When everything’s ready, we sit across from each other at the long pine table. She serves herself, then me, then starts eating, her lips plush as she chews. I copy her, but the food is dust in my mouth.
For a while, the only sounds are fork against plate, knife against chicken. Then:
“Pass the salt?” she says, voice small.
I hand it over. Our fingers brush. She flinches.
I’m drowning. I push away from the table, stand, pace the length of the room twice, then come back and sit down again.
“I didn’t know that you were a virgin,” I say. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
She doesn’t answer. She tears a chunk of bread in half, stares at the torn edge, and sets it on the rim of her plate.
I try again. “If you’d told me?—”
“Would it have changed anything?” she asks. Kat looks up, finally, and her eyes are bright and blue and roiling with turmoil.
I want to say yes, of course, but I can’t. I shake my head.
“That’s what I thought,” she says, and goes back to eating.
A thousand words fight for space in my head, but none of them are good enough.
I take a breath. “Sweet Lies usually tells me if a woman’s a virgin because it’s an asset. Some men will pay extra for a virgin because a woman’s first time is prized. The opportunity to teach a young girl who’s never been with a man before can be a once in a lifetime experience.”
“Is that how you see it?” she asks.
I nod.
Her fork freezes, halfway to her mouth. “So do you think of me as a research subject still? Just a virginal one, that you need more preparation time for?”
“No.” I rub my face, desperate for her to understand. “Not like that. You’re not understanding what I’m saying. It’s a gift, Kat, and I wasn’t prepared to accept it this afternoon.”
She makes a noise, low in her throat, and sets her fork down, but doesn’t say anything, her beautiful features tense.
I stand up again, walk to the window, stare into the dark. My own reflection looks like a ghost, hollow and lost.
“I’m an asshole by nature,” I rasp, not turning around. “But I never wanted to be—” I cut myself off, try to find the right word. “Cruel.”
She lets that hang in the air, heavy as stone.
When I finally turn, she’s watching me, arms folded tight.
“So what’s going to happen?” she asks in a strangled voice. “Do you send me home now? Is my contract here up?”
I shake my head before meeting her eyes.
“No Kat,” I rasp. “What I’m saying is that I’m happy to pay you for your innocence. You deserve it, and you’re a young girl who doesn’t know what she’s giving up. One hundred thousand, for what happened today, and what’s going to happen later. Double the original agreement. For you, sweetheart.”
Her eyes grow wide as her big breasts heave with surprise.
