Page 19 of Killer Summer
“That’s okay.” Ethan snapped the lid on his salad to-go box. “Well, I’ll be there tonight if you change your mind. I hear there’s going to be karaoke.”
“Oh, Idefinitelywon’t be going then.” Dani smiled, despite herself. “I’ve heard Dean Martel sing. It isn’t pretty.”
“I bet.” Ethan laughed and pulled out his wallet. He paid the cafeteria cashier as Dani finished assembling her salad. She was so flustered she forgot to add her usual dollop of hummus.
“Well, good luck this semester. I’m sure I’ll see you around,” he said.
“Thanks. You too.”
Dani was grateful when he finally turned and walked away with his salad. She could sense that the flush in her cheek had spread down her neck all the way to her collarbone. It was nice talking to Ethan, and he was definitely her type, but Dani knew it was best to keep people at a distance. If he continued smiling at her and talking to her for much longer, she might have taken him up on his offer.
“So?” Jessica asked, coming up from behind with a fresh salad to-go box. “What did he say?”
Dani paid the cashier and gave her friend a side-eyed smirk. “He asked me if I was going to the back to school staff thing tonight.”
“You should go,” Jessica said. “Have some fun for a change.”
“I actually can’t. I’ve got to meet up with my jogging partner after work,” Dani said.
“There you go again. Running away.” Jessica shook her head. “I’m just kidding. But for real, you should give him a chance. I’ve heard good things.”
“What’s the point? I’m out of here in a year.” Dani sighed. “Besides, I don’t think I have the energy for a relationship.”
“Who said anything about a relationship?” Jessica paid for her ranch-dressing-drenched salad and propped her sunglasses on the bridge of her nose. “I’m just trying to help you get some.”
Jessica gossipped all the way back to their respective offices about who was getting a tenured position, the art teacher thathad been let go for being inappropriate with a student and the cruise she had taken with her family over summer break. Dani dutifully listened to her friend, happy for the company and camaraderie. Even though she liked Jess, they were very different people, tied together only by close proximity and a shared waning for the love of working in academia. Dani had a hard time maintaining relationships both romantic and platonic, even with pleasant, easy going people. After all these years, she still didn’t feel safe letting anyone get too close.
Dani excused herself to her office with her salad as Jess disappeared behind her own office door. She sat down at her desk and fired up the laptop again, already overloaded with questions from prospective students about the syllabus. The first day of classes hadn’t even begun, and one of her new students was already pre-emptively asking for a paper extension because they were going on a trip out of the country.
“Must be nice,” Dani mumbled to herself around a bite of salad. She didn’t have the patience to respond in a professional manner, so she decided to just ignore the email. Instead, she finished her lunch and wrote a blanket welcome email to her new roster of students. She was grumpy, she knew, and didn’t want to take out her disgruntled attitude on a bunch of incoming eighteen-year-olds. It wasn’t so long ago that she was just like them: fresh-faced, excited and looking forward to the future. Except, she never really got to be like them. She was always more scared than excited, more stuck in the past than looking forward to the future.
When she was satisfied with the email, Dani pressed send and—against her better judgement—scrolled over to the Reddit forums. She had tried, and failed, to keep herself from looking up what people were saying about her online. A few years back, a true crime podcast took interest in her story, and after that, a right wing influencer picked it up. From there, a tornadoof memes, online posts, and think pieces were posted by incel groups bound to paint her as some kind of tease; that in fact, Matt was the victim, and Dani the heartless female who led him on. Even though she moved across the country and changed her name, seeing the posts gain traction still made Dani uneasy.
Free Matt!
Justice for Vickers (strong arm emoji)
Kincaid Lied And Should Be in Prison: How the Liberal Media Fooled You
Dani shut her laptop and stared out the window. She knew that keyboard warriors couldn’t hurt her, but the thought that one of them may find her some day was always at the back of her mind. The woods surrounding the campus were thick with palmetto fronds and beautyberry bushes, acres and acres of untouched Florida scrub landscape amongst a canopy of ancient oaks. A good place for anyone to hide. Something shadowy skittered at the corner of her vision, disturbing a pile of dry brush, and her heart clenched. She closed her eyes and took in a slow, centering breath.
“There’s no one out there,” she reminded herself. “Just birds and squirrels and trees.”
She exhaled and opened her eyes. The shadows still stared back.
“Fuck this.”
Dani stood from her desk, walked to the windows and drew the shade. She still had a lot of work to finish before the end of the day, and she couldn’t afford to spend the rest of the day looking over her shoulder or obsessing about the past. Always scanning the horizon for danger. If anyone was going to hide in the shadows, it was going to be her.
An hour before dusk, Dani changed into a pair of fitted leggings, a tank top, and sneakers and hustled to her car in the college campus parking lot. She had a standing workout date with her friend, Missy, and didn’t want to be late for their run. It had occurred to her to maybe skip the workout that night in lieu of a little fun with her coworkers, but she couldn’t leave her running partner hanging. It was difficult making casual friends as an adult, especially for someone as guarded as she was. There was no way she would disappoint her one and only non-work friend by being a no-show.
Dani barely missed bumping into Ethan on her way out of her office building. Their encounter at the cafeteria earlier that day had elevated her heart-rate and brought her mood down all at once. Jessica meant well trying to nudge her toward talking to him, but even after all this time, the idea of entertaining a romantic relationship was still difficult. People got hurt when they got too close to her. A workout session was just what she needed to clear her mind.
Between the oppressive heat and spontaneous thunderstorms, running outside in Florida in the summertime was practically self-flagellation. The buzzing, blood-thirsty mosquitoes and the smothering humidity made the mere act of stepping outside at dusk dangerous. Dani wasn’t the type of person to let a little thing like insects and muggy weather get her down. She needed the physical release, and after a day spent inside in the frigid air conditioning sitting behind a desk, the heat was almost welcome. Running was one thing that she looked forward to when everything else seemed hopeless and shitty. Running made her feel fast and strong, and the endorphins and dopamine boost made it all worthwhile. But Dani was also smart and knew not to run alone, which is how she met Missy.
Her jogging partner was waiting for her on the park bench at the entrance to the paved two mile trail when she arrived at the park. Missy was a few years younger than her and just as fit, though otherwise their features couldn’t be more different. Her long blonde hair, light eyes and fair complexion were the complete opposite of Dani. Their interests didn’t exactly align either outside of jogging, but that wasn’t the point; being friends with Missy was about safety in numbers. Missy came highly recommended on the FriendFinder app under the workout buddies tab, plus, she didn’t ask too many questions and was always on time, two personality traits Dani appreciated.
“Hey, you made it.” Missy stood from the bench and stretched. She was dressed in her usual jogging gear, same as Dani, her long, wheat-colored tresses tied up in a high ponytail.
