Page 83 of Blue Norther
My wife was on the operating table, a drape pinned up over her chest. She looked like she was about to be in one of those magic acts where the magician sawed her in half. The beautiful belly I’d been so lucky to fall in love with over the last few weeks was bare, just a surgical blanket laying across her legs. It was freezing in that operating room. She had to be so cold.
I forced my legs to carry me across the room to the stool that sat by her head. Her eyes were pinned on the ceiling, but as soon as I got close enough, her face moved towards mine. Those emerald green eyes of hers pinned me in place.
“Colt…”
“Breathe, darlin’. Everything’s fine. It’s all going to be okay.” I slipped my hand over hers, careful not to disturb the straps holding her down.God. This was fucking medieval.
The next few minutes went by in a blur. Dr. Witten was there, starting the operation and Violet winced, gasping when he warned her of excess pressure. I couldn’t look at anything other than her. My beautiful wife. Willing to sacrifice so much to bring our son into the world.
And then I heard it. The sound of Vi’s breath rushing out of her lungs in the same instant our son’s first cry rang out loud and boisterously into the operating room.
“He’s here.” My tears flowed freely down my face as I pressed a kiss to her forehead. Dr. Witten had held him up over the curtain for a second before he was whisked off to be cleaned up by a nurse. “You are amazing, Vi. So strong. So incredible. I love you. I love you, darlin’. Forever and ever.”
“He cried,” she whispered.
“Yes,” I laughed. “He’s got some big lungs on him, doesn’t he?”
“He took his first breath.” Tears were now pouring out of her eyes as her body shook. I looked to the anesthesiologist who was also sitting by her head. “We did it. He’s h-here and he’s b-breathing.”
“Shaking is normal, Dad. Don’t panic,” she said as if she could read my mind.
“Alright, who is ready to say hello to their beautiful baby boy?”
One of the nurses set our baby into my arms, and my knees nearly collapsed under me.
“Colt…”
The world narrowed to a singular point.My family.My wife and my son.
He was a perfect blend of me and Vi. Perfect. There were no other words that came to mind, everything felt so overwhelming. And then he opened his eyes and looked at me.
And I lost it all over again.
“He’s beautiful, sweetheart. Look, he has your lips.” I held the baby at an angle so that Vi could see his precious face. He was the cutest little chunk, and even though I’d never say it to Violet, I could see my own face in his so clearly. We’d done that.Made him all those years ago. And he was real, and warm, and finally with us.
Somewhere in the background, a monitor started beeping, but I barely registered it as Violet’s smile took over her entire face.
“He’s so…he’s beautiful…so….dizzy.”
Dizzy?
“Jackie, take dad and baby out. Now.” Dr. Witten’s voice left no room for argument. I felt the nurse’s hand on my shoulder, but didn’t want to leave Violet alone. It was only when I looked down at her face that I realized how quickly everything had changed. My beautiful wife’s big emerald eyes were rolled into the back of her head. Her face had lost all of its color, and only a thin sheen of sweat covered her forehead.
“What’s happening? I don’t under?—”
“Colt. I need you to listen to me. Violet is hemorrhaging. We’re going to do everything we can, but you need to do your part, too. Come on. Let’s take your son on his first walk. Okay?”
The machines in the background continued their assault on my ears as I forced myself to walk out of the operating room.
Forty-five minutes. That’s how long I’d been sitting in our room with our son on my bare chest, waiting for some news about Violet. And yet, no update came. A nurse brought me a small bottle with formula, but I didn’t dare bring it to his lips.
Violet hadn’t told me what to do if she wasn’t here like this. I didn’t know if she would be okay with formula before she even had a chance to hold him. So it sat untouched on the table next to me. I’d ask the nurse what I should do if more time went by.
Our son’s soft little coos were barely above a whisper, but they melted me. I ran my eyes over him for the millionth time. He was perfect. Had my dark hair. Vi’s lips and her long, slender fingers. I’d kissed every one. And when I set his hand back down, his fingers had walked across my skin until they rested over my violet tattoo.
I fucking lost it. Staring up at the ceiling, I begged every entity in the universe to save her.
“Colt.” Birdie walked into the room, her face blank.
