Page 58 of Blue Norther
Hayes’ eyes went wide. “Why? Are you having contractions? I can get us to the hospital, just don’t push!”
I laughed so hard tears pricked the corner of my eyes, and I had to hold the side of my belly. “No, my God. But your instant panic was hilarious to watch. I was just trying to see if you’d be any help if I went into labor on the ranch. My due date is only two weeks away, and my new doctor mentioned I might not make it there. But I’m guessing you won’t be any help.”
Hayes shook his head as he pressed the heel of his hand into his chest. “Christ, Vee. No. I mean, I could help. I’m a great driver. But that’sallColt. He’s in the backseat with you.”
Now I was really surprised. “He’s delivered a baby before?”
Hayes nodded. “A few years back. Stranded motorist. I don’t think he would have said anything, but I was at the station and heard him make the call for the ambulance.”
He’d delivered a baby. I couldn’t wrap my mind around the emotional toll that must have taken on him. Guilt washed over me. I should have been there. For him to come home to. For him to have someone to talk to about it.
I had thought, for all these years, I was saving him from needless pain. But instead I’d caused so much of it. He didn’t move on like I thought he would. Colt lived a life absent of the love and support a partner should offer him. All because he was waiting for me to come back.
Hayes took his phone out, but I didn’t pay attention to what he was doing at first. I just figured he was letting Colt know everything was still fine and we’d be heading home soon. But when I looked up to swap books, I saw the phone directed at me.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Colt would want to see this! You signing your books…it’s bad ass.” I smiled and he nodded, tucking the phone back in his pocket. I turned back to the last three books I wanted to sign. “I’m proud of you.”
His whispered words hit me right in the heart.
“I’m proud of you, too. Silver Springs is lucky to have you to run to the rescue. Can’t say I love the idea of my brother running into a burning building. That definitely hasn’t changed since I left.”
“Your brother, huh?”
“You guys, and Jessie, will always be my brothers and sister. You know…” I looked back at the page in front of me. What I was about to admit was too emotional. Too vulnerable. “I tried to push this all away. I did push all of you away. But I never stopped caring, or loving you guys. I read every edition of theSilver Springs Times. I would search your names to make sure everyone was still okay. When Lach…” My voice hitched. When Lachlan had been hurt, it nearly killed me to stay away. Theonly thing that stopped me from running right back was Jessie keeping me in the loop with his prognosis and recovery.
“Vee.”
“I know it’s not the same. Beau told me what happened to Colt after I left. That he wasn’t okay.”
A tear slipped down my cheek before I could swipe it away. Hayes’ eyes went wide. “Don’t cry.”
“I thought I was doing the right thing. But I messed it all up, didn’t I?”
“I’m sure what I’m about to say is exactly what Colt has probably told you a hundred times since you came back. You did what you had to so that you could survive. You gave Colt the chance to move on and be happy with someone else. But the thing is, Vi…if you’d stopped to ask anyone in his life, if you’d stopped to really think about it, Colt was never going to fall in love with anyone else.”
“I just didn’t want to hold him back.”
Hayes’ hand landed on my arm. “You both could have handled things differently. And if you’re feeling regret now for the decisions you made, it seems like you’ve been given the perfect chance to handle things differently this time. To trust Colt when he tells you how he feels, or what he wants.”
I nodded, my eyes dropping back to the last few books sitting in front of me unsigned. I went back to work, numb as I signed them, thinking over what Hayes had just said. A minute later, when I’d finished and stood up from the chair ready to go, I noticed Hayes hadn’t moved.
“What’s the matter?” I asked.
“I don’t like this sign. It feels like it’s asking for trouble.” His eyes were locked on the sign announcing the books featured on that table were by local authors.
The breeze from the shop’s door opening only fueled the chill that was settling in my bones.
“He already knows where I am, Hayes. He could decide to escalate things at any point. A little sign in a bookshop saying I’m local being removed isn’t going to protect me.”
“Apple-anche?” I turned to see Nate strolling towards us. “Long time no see.”
I smiled, wondering what the hell he was doing in a book store in the middle of the day. “God. I owe you the biggest apology.”
Hayes held out his hand. “Nate.”
“Hey, Hayes. Heard you guys think we might have a firebug on our hands?”
