Page 38 of Blue Norther
“I think you scared him!”
Her belly jumped up and down in my grasp as she continued to giggle. “Has that happened before?”
“No! No one has been close enough to my belly before for that to happen.”
“I’m sorry, little one. Daddy didn’t mean to scare you.”
Violet stilled.Shit! Did I push too hard?All my fears seemed to be confirmed when I looked up and saw her eyes sparkling with tears.
“Vi, I?—”
“No, I’m sorry. I’m really, truly, deeply sorry that you didn’t get to experience this pregnancy with me. I convinced myself that I had to protect you from something going wrong. If I didn’t tell you, until I knew he was here and he was safe and he was healthy, that if something bad did happen, I would be the only person heartbroken. There wasn’t a part of me that considered how heartbroken you’d be over every good and happy thing that you missed. I thought the ends justified the means. And I was wrong.”
I moved my hand off her belly to cup her cheek. My thumb caught the first tear that fell as she leaned into my touch. I tracedmy finger over a few of her freckles before shaking my head. “I know you were trying to do what was right. For you. And our son. And most of all to protect me. I’m not mad at you. You don’t need to apologize any more. Do I wish I had been there from the moment you decided to try again? Of course. But not because I need those memories for fatherhood. But because I wish that we had that time together. For us.”
Before she could respond, the phone on my desk rang.
“I’ll let you get that,” Vi responded, sounding a little out of breath as our connection broke. She walked back to her chair and opened her laptop while I took the call.
Colt
Iopened the group chat I had with my siblings, typing silently behind my computer screen as Vi focused on her own work. I honestly couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt so relaxed doing administrative tasks. It was like her proximity had reset my nervous system. Was that even possible?
I talked to Dad this morning. We’re moving family dinner to tonight.
Hayes:
What’s going on?
Beau:
You good?
Yeah. Just some things we need to talk about as a family.
Lachlan:
That doesn’t sound ominous.
Jessie:
Lach, are you even going to be there?
Three dots next to my youngest brother’s picture popped up, only to disappear a moment later. I knew what he was trying to type out. That no, he wouldn’t be there. Because he didn’t like to leave his house any more. And we didn’t push him to.
My phone chimed into the silence of the office. Vi looked up from her laptop screen, smiling as I took off my reading glasses.
“It’s time for your medicine,” I said, watching her eyes drop down to check the time for herself on her screen.
“God, I was so lost in my manuscript it only felt like a few minutes had passed.”
Well, that was good. Maybe she hadn’t noticed the fact that I was constantly sneaking glances at her from across my desk.
“Must be a good story.”
“I don’t totally hate it at this point, which is odd, seeing as how last week I was certain I would have to delete the whole thing and start over.”
I pushed up from my chair, walking towards her bag. “Is it okay if I get in here?”
