Page 39 of Great White
“I hate it when you’re righteous.”
“Just give him what he wants,” I cede power.
Stefania’s expression tells me everything I need to know. Her ego is hurt, and so are her feelings. “We’re going to look weak.”
“You have to decide what’s more important. Your business, your reputation, or your life.” I try to stand, and Tate assists me. Stefania looks like she’s at a crossroads.
I know the decisions she has to make aren’t easy. But that’s what it means to be a queenpin.
“I’m going to shower, and then I’m going to lie down. My head is splitting in two.”
“Okay,Palomita, you rest. I will work.” She takes my face in her hands and kisses my cheek. “Te amo como a una hermana.”
I love you like a sister.
I know what that means. She has said it to me many times in the past.
“Me too.”
I escape into the bathroom, desperate to be alone. Turning on the water as hot as it can go, I step inside and let the spray hit my face. I inhale and exhale a few jagged times before the tears come. I just need to decompress. As hard as it is for me to admit, last night I was scared. It brought back so many memories of a life I left behind. For a moment I was helpless again. Frozen in place with no voice to fight back.
I was a victim.
I let the water beat on me until my skin is angry and red. Torturing myself with insecure feelings. Worthless, weak, wretch.
I turn the water off with a hard flick. “Fuck!” I scream, the ejection of emotion aiding me to feel better. I’m not that person anymore. I’m strong. I’m brave. I’m worthy.
Wrapping myself in a towel, I conclude a cup of coffee and a bottle of Advil sound like the perfect cocktail to me. Grabbing the box of bandages out of the medicine cabinet, I catch my reflection in the mirror. My dark hair is limp and wet, my cheeks red from the steaming shower, and my hazel eyes hollow. So empty, and cold. Like no soul inhabits them anymore. But there is a soul behind those greenish-brown irises, buried deep, hiding from the world, from emotions and from love. It’s safely tucked away. It’s resilient where the light can’t touch it. But, sometimes, even when I believe my solitude is strength, it is so lonely.
I sigh as I leave the bathroom. I built this fortress. I'm destined to live in it.
When I turn the corner into my kitchen, I jump, my heart palpitating. “Tate, what the fuck are you doing here? I thought you left with Steph.”
“I wasn’t going to leave you. Not in your condition.”
“My condition?”
“Yeah, your head and all.” He waves his hand at me, stealing a glance at my barely covered body.
“I don’t need a babysitter. I’m fine.” I push past him, desperate for some caffeine.
“Let me do that.” He grabs the coffee pod out of my hand.
“I’m perfectly capable.” I grab it back.
“Why won’t you accept any help?”
“Because I can take care of myself.” I raise my voice.
“Jesus Christ, why can’t you let me in, even a little?” he barks back.
“Ugh, fine.” I throw the coffee pod at him. “You want to make me coffee, make it.”
“I will.” He picks it up off the floor and slams it into the machine.
We both just stare at each other, and then I don’t know what happens. Something strange bubbles beneath the surface, and we both break out into laughter.
“You’re impossible.” Tate shakes his head.
