Page 102 of Dangerously
“What house? My house?”
“Yes.”
“Where are Mommy and Daddy?” The dread in her voice is evident and warranted.
“They’re gone.” I can’t look at her, so I stare at Declan, who is doing his best to be strong for all of us.
“Gone? Like, dead?” The emotion Farrah is struggling with is palpable.
“They were in the house when it exploded.”
“Oh my God.” She covers her mouth, stricken with shock.
“I’m sorry.” I squeeze my eyes shut. I’m happy that they're dead. And sorry that she’s suffering because of it.
Farrah cries quietly in the back seat. I have to hand it to her, even in grief she is poised.
The helicopter comes into view, parked on an expansive piece of the lawn. It’s the first leg of freedom.
We all climb out of the car in the freezing cold. No one has jackets or blankets. We are true refugees.
Ling hands me Aisling as Declan gets acquainted with the pilot. He was expecting March to greet him. We all were. His absence crushes my hardened soul.
“Farrah, stay in the car with Ling,” I instruct.
“What? Why? I thought we had to go.”
Someone has to go, but it isn’t us. The decision was made the minute my parents’ lives were snuffed out. I knew what I had to do. I knew the hard choice I had to make.
I meet Declan by the helicopter.
“C’mon, let’s go. Where’s Farrah?”He crosses his arms, shielding the cold.
I stand there like a zombie, clutching onto Aisling. I’m not ready to let her go.
“We’re not coming.” The emotion is so thick in my throat, it sounds like a dying frog.
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I’m sorry.” I start to cry. It’s like I’ve become a fucking spout that just won’t turn off.
“Fallon, don’t do this. You need to come with us.”
“Everything is different now,”I plead.
“Everything is better,”he declares.
“I can’t take Farrah away. It wouldn’t be fair. To either of us.”
Am I being selfish? Wanting to be with just my daughter? Wanting to finish raising her the right way? Wanting to keep her with her friends and in her school where her last shred of normalcy rests? Wanting to give her the most stability I can after knowing her entire world is about to get rocked? “You told me you wanted to do one thing right.” I refer to Aisling. “So do I. Please try to understand.”
He doesn’t though. He’s angry. I’m taking away his family. Popping the perfect bubble he hoped to live in.
“I want you to be with us.”Declan tries one last time.
“I want to be with you, too.” The tears continue to fall, turning to liquid ice as they run down my cheeks. “But I can’t right now. You need to go. You need to be safe and start over.” I shiver from the cold and the threat of separation from the two people I tirelessly love. Today, I’m losing everyone I hold dear.
“I can’t accept this.” Declan actually gets choked up. “I can help you,” he argues his case. “We can do this together.”
