Page 57 of Slashes in the Snow
“You are a coward.”
Ky stares me down like his eyes are two rocket launchers ready to fire.
“You have no idea who I am, Kira. You can’t accuse me of shit.”
“Oh, I know exactly who you are . . . ” I contest. “Fucking no one.”
Hawk pulls at Ky as he tries to rush toward me. “She ain’t worth it, bro. Leave her in her fucking palace, and let’s be out.”
Ky hesitates, our eyes fixated on each other, the connection red hot.
My heart is breaking into a million little pieces right now, and he doesn’t even fucking care. No explanation is allowed to be had. JustBAM!You’re trash, no matter what we pledged to each other last night.
He told me he loved me not a half-hour ago, made love to me not ten minutes ago, the smell of sex still potent in the air, and now he’s just walking right out the door. Not a flying fuck about me to found.
My limbs feel weak, but I won’t break, not in front of him. Not in front of anyone.
Ky and Hawk walk directly out the front door without a second glance, and once I hear their motorcycles pull away, I fall to the ground, sobbing inconsolably.
The pain is like a blazing sword cutting straight through my chest. I fight to catch my breath, but the hiccups are stealing all my precious oxygen.
I cry harder as I find myself at a loss. Alone, abandoned. My world is spinning, and I don’t know how to stop it.
I look out the back of the house, and the glistening pool catches my undivided attention. I crawl across the smooth travertine to the patio.
With what little life I have left, I fight to stand. I see my reflection in the surface of the water. It isn’t the first time I looked like this. A fucking mess. But there’s one thing that always helps me heal. I step off the edge and submerge myself into the blue. I need the quiet. I need the solitude. I need the reprieve. I need the whole world to just fucking disappear.
Ineed to fucking disappear.
I close my eyes and find sanctuary at the bottom of the pool.
Alone, abandoned, and yet again at another loss.
16
Ky
I’m a fucking train wreck.
Kira’s hollow eyes keep haunting me.
I broke her fucking heart and mine in the process.
I haven't stopped drinking since I walked into The Lion’s Den last night.
I want to be numb. I want to forget. I want the ghost of the only woman I ever loved exorcised from my life.
No one is left in the bar except Popeye, Hawk, Breaker, Vet, and Harley. They’ve been babysitting me. I haven't spoken a word about Kira. Just sat here and tossed back shot after shot with a bottle of Wild Turkey keeping me in excellent company.
I’m a fucking dick.
I’m a deserter.
No man left behind, my ass. I’d be court-martialed if I was on the battlefield.
Walking out of Kira’s house yesterday felt like a warzone. I didn’t even entertain the idea of letting her explain. I formed my own conclusion, and ran with it. I’m good at that. A pro, really. I believe what I want whether it’s the truth or not. It’s my biggest downfall. My most unjust flaw, all for nothing in the name of perception. To uphold my stature and shield me from vulnerability. If you don’t allow anything to hurt you, nothing ever will.
But that’s bullshit. None of us are immune to emotion. Not even me.
