Page 81 of Slashes in the Snow
I plead with him, “Don’t, please, stop.” Tears streaming down my cheeks as I see stars. Deacon laughs in my face while I gasp for precious oxygen. My muscles strain and spasm in the chair, my fingers go numb from pulling at the restraints, and all the life drains from my body at a debilitating speed, like water being wrung from a rag.
Just as my vision colors over with black, Deacon let’s go. I cough and spit automatically as I instinctively suck air back into my lungs.
I break down and cry right in front of him, a terrified little girl at the hands of a monster.
“Your pain is just beginning, princess.” He pulls a strand of my short hair through his fingers, enjoying my agony. “Sit back and relax,” he mocks. “I’ll be back.”
God, I hope not.
I hang my head and ignore him. Sniffling softly, scared of my situation and ashamed of my susceptibility.
An image of my mother creeps into my mind. Crawling out of her bathroom after my father had finished doing whatever horrible thing it was. I was too young to understand, but she was bruised and weak and crying. She didn’t know I was there. Not until I wormed my way out from under her bed. I hated when she cried. I wiped her face and hugged her neck, and I remember vividly what she told me. “Tears may fall, but strength can rise.”
For some reason, those words resonate.
They bring me comfort.
They make me feel less alone.
She walked through hell and survived.
Maybe I can, too.
22
Ky
Popeye refillsmy shot glass for the fifth time.
I don’t know what’s making me crazier, knowing Deacon has Kira and I can’t do a fucking thing about it, or that my dad is playing Mr. Social, catching up with everyone in the Den.
This is not a happy reunion, goddamn it. His stepdaughter is out there. The love of my fucking life. And he’s surrounded by smiling fucking faces, all wanting to know how life is fucking treating him.
“Gimme the bottle.” I slam my hand on the bar.
Popeye places the Jack in front of me, and I grab it by the neck. If it was Deacon, I’d squeeze the shit out of it.
I head into the back room to wallow alone in the dark. All I can think about is Kira. All I can hear is her voice. Is her terrified screams. I’m falling apart. I slide my hands into my hair and pull, welcoming the pain. My eyes water. I’m so lost. Just like she said I was. She knew. She’s known me from the very start. Saw everything I was trying to hide.
The only thing I was guilty of was caring about you.Her words destroy me. Tear me apart piece by piece.
A renegade tear rolls down my cheek.
How did this happen? How did everything just fly off the rails? And how can I fix it? That’s the question that’s eating me alive. How do I fix it? How do I find him? Find her?
“Ky?”
I wipe my wet face as fast as I can at the sound of my name.
“You okay, son?”
“No, I’m not fucking okay.” What’s the point in hiding it?
My father puts his hand on my shoulder.
“You really love her, huh?”
“More than you could ever understand,” I admit.
