Page 44 of A Week in Midwinter

‘You know I do, you utter imbecile.’

‘Imbecile? I thought I did that rather well. You have no idea how hard that was for me to say. I had to get it all out at once or I might not have said any of it. I’m not used to doing this. Or to saying this stuff. But just to make it clear and for the avoidance of all doubt. I love you, Lucy. I’ve always loved you. And only you. I just didn’t want us to end up like Mum and Dad. But this week has made me realise that my life is so much better with you in it than out of it. So I want you in it for ever from now on. I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy. I want to be the man I know you want me to be. The manIwant to be. The man you deserve. Because I want to be with you more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life.’

‘Oh, Sam,’ I said, running to him and throwing myself into his arms. ‘I love you, Sam. Just the way you are. I’ve always loved you.’

‘Well,’ he said. ‘That wasn’t as hard as I thought it was going to be. I should tell you I love you more often.’

‘That would be lovely,’ I said. ‘But … actually. There’s something I need to tell you, Sam. Something that might change the way you feel about me.’

He looked both sceptical and concerned. ‘Okay. But nothing will change the way I feel about you, Lucy, so don’t worry about that. If it’s something from your past, I don’t care. If it’s something in your present or your future, we will deal with it together, whatever it is.’

I took a deep breath. ‘I have aerophobia,’ I said. Not wanting to keep anything from him. ‘That’s a fear of flying.’

He let out a huge sigh of relief and beamed at me as he pulled me back into his arms.

‘Oh god, Lucy. I thought you were going to tell me something dreadful.’

I revelled in his embrace, but then I eased myself away and looked into his eyes.

‘I don’t think you understand, Sam. Okay, it’s not a serious illness or anything like that, but it’s a condition that causes a severe reaction and means my travel options are restricted. I’ve never been on a plane. Just the thought of it brings me out in a cold sweat.’ My words were tumbling out and although Sam’s mouth was opening and closing, I didn’t give him the chance to speak. ‘The first time I tried to get on a plane I had severe chest pains, dizziness, and nausea. I couldn’t breathe and I thought I’d either be sick or pass out at any minute. And that was just in the airport. I keep telling myself it’s an irrational fear, but I can’t help it. I went to see a specialist but that didn’t work. I even tried hypnotherapy. The next time I went to an airport, I madeit as far as the check-in desk but I was sweating and trembling, and I wanted to scream. Then the nausea, rapid heartbeat and dizziness kicked in, and even Usain Bolt would’ve had a hard time catching up with me, I ran out of that place so fast. I’m really sorry, Sam.’ I gave him a pleading look and finally stopped to let him have his say.

He smiled reassuringly and he gently brushed a lock of hair away from my face.

‘You’ve got nothing to be sorry about, Lucy. We’re all afraid of something. That’s one of the things that makes us who we are. And I love who you are. I love everything about you. Thank you for telling me about your fear. If I can help you in any way, I will. I wasn’t making light of it. I know how awful it can make people feel. But I don’t see why you think it might be a problem between us.’

‘It’s a problem if you want to go abroad. And I know how much you like travelling.’

His brows knit together. ‘Why is it a problem? We can use the Channel tunnel if we want to go to Europe, and there are ferries to most places from there. It might take a little longer, but that means we’ll have more time to spend together. That’s not a problem. That’s a blessing. Don’t forget, I’ve taken my bike on most of my holidays. That’s meant I couldn’t go by plane, so you see, it really isn’t an issue. And cruises aren’t just for the elderly.’ He slid his hands into my hair and eased my head towards his, that devastatingly gorgeous smile of his making my heart pound in my chest – but in a good way. A very good way. ‘I love you, Lucy. Just being with you every day feels like a holiday.’

His kiss confirmed everything he’d just said and my heart soared with delight.

Sam truly loved me. And I truly loved him.

‘Sam?’ I asked, a few minutes later as our lips parted. ‘What are you afraid of?’

He looked me in the eyes, his own eyes questioning.

‘Afraid of?’

‘You said we’re all afraid of something.’

‘Oh I see.’ He smiled and then his expression was deadly serious. ‘I’m afraid of losing you again.’

I beamed at him. ‘You’ll never lose me again.’

He breathed in deeply and then let out a slow sigh.

‘I’m delighted to hear that,’ he said huskily, his mouth within inches of mine once more. And then his tone changed and the serious expression was back. ‘I’m afraid of clowns. I’m not joking. It’s irrational, I know, but I can’t help it. I had an unpleasant experience with a clown when I was a kid and even now I can’t bear to be near one. They give me the creeps. Does that make you think less of me?’

‘Absolutely not. I don’t like clowns much either.’

‘So we’re agreed? No clowns at our kids’ birthday parties.’

I gave a small gasp of delight. We were planning our future together and I couldn’t have been happier.

‘We’re agreed. No clowns.’

‘Because phobias are not a laughing matter,’ he joked.

‘They’re not,’ I confirmed as his mouth came down on mine in a kiss that was deep and passionate and made me feel as though I were flying among the stars. It was better than all the kisses we had shared all week.

I might have been afraid of getting on a plane but if that was what flying felt like, Sam Worth might be able to help me overcome my fears. With Sam by my side, I was sure that anything was possible.

And I was certain now, that despite us both having parents who were divorced – several times in his parents’ case – Sam would be by my side for the rest of my life. And I would be by his.

The only problem, as far as I could see, was that I would need to persuade Erin that Sam would truly make me happy. I wassure as soon as she met him and saw us together, she would see how we felt about each other, so I wasn’t really too concerned about that.

What did concern me, was how I was going to get my best friend to want to move to Fairlight Bay. But that was a problem for another day.