Page 45 of Cole (Dirty Misfits MC 4)
My heart wanted to see her so badly.
But my brain knew this was for the better.
However, it grew harder and harder to resist the urge to simply ride by her place. To check on her or catch a glimpse of her simply to remind myself that she was okay. That she was healthy. That she was breathing, and upright, and the sacrifice my soul had made had worked the way I needed to in order to keep her safe.
It still didn’t stop me from wishing things were different, though.
God, I wanna see her so fucking badly.
“Earth to Cole,” Brooks said.
Something warm and soft brushed against my leg and I reached down. “Morning, Opie.”
Tanner nudged Brooks. “See? You don’t have to tell him when Opie’s up. He’ll know.”
“There’s a good boy,” I whispered as I scratched behind his ear.
“And if Opie’s up,” Porter said as he cleared his throat, “then that means—”
Then, Astrid’s voice sounded as she padded down the hallway. “He was whimpering at the door, Cole. I think he knew you were up.”
I chuckled. “Sorry he woke you up.”
She flopped down into the chair beside Porter. “Ah, no worries. You told me that might happen. I’m just glad you picked me for the puppy cuddles tonight.”
I smirked. “No problem. You can have him for another night, if you’d like.”
Brooks chuckled. “Better not tell the other girls. They might get jealous.”
Astrid pointed. “Could I have that last half-slice of bagel?”
As the guys rummaged around for the scraps to give our hungry Astrid, I fell back into the recesses of my mind again. The guys had no idea how lucky they were to have the ones they loved with them. They had no idea how lucky they were to have established relationships before this fucking lockdown of ours. Every passing day made me question my decision to leave Molly. Every time I saw Porter and Astrid stealing kisses or every time I heard Raven with Brooks giggling late at night or every time I passed by a closet and heard Archer and Josie trying to shush each other while we walked by—like we didn’t know what the hell was happening—it made me miss Molly even more.
And it made me wonder if I had made a huge mistake in walking away.
Nevertheless, it didn’t stop me from avoiding my most frequent hide-out spots. I avoided the bar I always got drinks at, and I avoided all of my usual eating haunts. I avoided my place at all costs, and I avoided going to the dog park even more. Why? Well, part of me didn’t want to risk running into her and putting her back in harm’s way.
But the other part of me wanted nothing more than to scoop her into my arms, drag her back here, and make her mine before holding her at my side until this massive storm passed.
“So, any plans for your day, Cole?” Brooks asked.
His voice pulled me from the recesses of my mind. “Uh, not really. We need a few things from the store, so I’ll make that run this afternoon.”
Astrid bent down and nuzzled Opie. “You should get this little guy out today with you, too. Yes, you should. He should, Opie, shouldn’t he? Uh huh, yes he should. Uh huh, yes, yes, yes he should.”
Porter clicked his tongue. “You know, there’s a dog park not too far away from—”
I interrupted him. “Yeah, I know about it.”
“You going to take him there today? I think he could use the outside time,” Brooks said.
“And so could you,” Astrid said as she pinned me with a look.
So, I caved as I held up my hands. “Fine, yes. I’ll take Opie to the dog park after I do the grocery run.”
Astrid smiled at me. “Good. Very, very good. Isn’t that good, Opie? Yes, Cole’s the best Daddy ever. Yes, he is. Yes, yes, yes, he is.”
I shook my head before I stood up and cleared off the table, and doing that turned into washing the dishes. Which turned into taking stock of the kitchen. Which turned my short list of supplies into a massive grocery haul that had me out the door the second nine o’clock rolled around. The “short shopping trip” took me damn near three hours and almost two fucking van rides, but we had the kitchen completely restocked for the next month in terms of food and drinks and toiletries.
Then, Opie and I hopped into my convertible and headed for the dog park.
My heart clenched as I eased into the parking space. The place reeked of memories of Molly, sitting on that bench over by the children’s playground while she stole glimpses of me, Opie, and Max. I blinked tears away as I called for Opie to jump out, watching him take off toward the opened door of the place where he wanted to be the most. He ran around with the other dogs as I locked my car, making my way toward a bench off in the shadows.
