Page 73 of From Unwanted to Duchess
“No,” Frances insisted.
She could not bear to see him in such anguish, could not stand by and do nothing. Before she knew it, she had risen on her tiptoes and placed a kiss on his lips.
James did not know what to do. He had been so wrapped up in his feelings, in his guilt, that he hadn’t seen this coming. And yet, now that her lips were on his, he could not remain still.
He wrapped his arms around her and drew her closer, his lips opening slightly to allow her tongue to explore his mouth. The two stood there, kissing, her breasts pressed against his chest.
This felt good. It felt warm. It felt right. A joining of souls, not merely lips. This was everything a marriage should be, everything he had dreamed of.
But then a wave of uncertainty washed over him.
This was wrong. He could not grow attached to her. He could not be with her. He couldn’t allow himself to feel anything for her.
He placed his hands on her hips and pushed her away, although it cost him everything.
“Stay with me,” she whispered against his lips. “Please. Do not shut me out again.”
But he was already pulling away, already closing himself off. His walls going back up, brick by brick.
“I must be alone, Frances. I cannot… I will not drag you down into my darkness. I am beyond redemption, beyond saving.”
“You are not beyond anything,” she said. “You are a good man, James. A worthy man. I am with you. I understand.”
“You can never truly understand. There are things that you understand more than anyone else, yes, but this? This guilt that I carry, this burden that is mine to shoulder for the rest of my life? You cannot understand it, and I will not put it on you. Please, leave.”
She looked at him, hurt and confused, but she did not move.
“Leave,” he said again.
James knew that this was his chance to change the course of his life. To embrace what she was offering: understanding, love, and friendship. But that part of him, the part that still believed Marcus would still be alive were it not for him, could not allow him to.
And that part of him made him turn around and walk out of the room, leaving the woman he was growing to love behind, rejected once more.
And though his heart shattered as he walked away, he told himself it was for the best. It had to be.
