Page 41 of Thorns and Ashes
“I think sometimes life can put us into these boxes that we feel like we have to stay in or can never escape. But at the end of the day, we all get to decide every morning the person we wanna be, and nothing should stop us from doing exactly that.”
She squeezes my hand softly, and it feels like someone is squeezing the frozen organ in my chest. I exhale slowly through mynose and look between the two women in front of me as they wait patiently for me to respond.
“I will never be the person that everyone likes,” I admit, honestly.
Ainsley’s eyes warm as she looks at me with a sweet knowing smile, and it fills me with a comfort I didn’t know I wanted from her. “It’s okay if not everyone likes you. They shouldn’t if you’re stayin’ true to who you are instead of walkin’ around tryin’ to please everyone.”
“And it’s okay if you don’t like everyone either. You shouldn’t. I don’t. Some people suck,” Rory adds with a laugh.
“Yeah, well, I’m kind of a bitch,” I tease.
“And I’m kind of a brat,” she adds without missing a beat.
We both look at Ainsley like it’s her turn, and she looks back at us, surprised. “Oh, honey, I’m perfect.” Laughter erupts from all of us, and it feels like chains are being broken. “But don’t worry. I like you both just the way you are,” she adds, walking back to the front of the cafe where customers are waiting.
“She’s gonna be sweet enough for the both of us, I take it?” Rory whispers as we follow behind her.
“Yup,” I answer, popping my ‘p’ the same way she’s been doing all day.
“So now that that’s out of the way.” She turns around and nods her head toward the table where Levi, Billy, and the rest of the firefighters are sitting. “I already know that there’s something brewing between Billy and Ainsley.”
“And you knowthishow?”
“Consider it my superpower. ADHD special edition.”
I look at her, confused because other than supposedly making people hyperactive, I don’t know anything about ADHD.
“I’m good at being hypervigilant, picking up little details that others don’t. Sometimes an overwhelming amount of details, but that’s beside the point,” she says, waving it off like that’s just the tip of the iceberg. “So like I was saying, I already know that, but what I can’t figure out is this. How come since the moment that grumpy, deliciously broody specimen of a man walked through the door, you have been avoiding being out here, and how come he hasn’t been able to take his eyes off of you?”
I still completely, and finally, allow myself to look at the man she’s so obviously talking about. The second I do, heat rushes to my face, and my jaw locks tight. His jade-green eyes catch and hold me, their intensity drying my mouth and blurring the edges of my vision. His words echo again, leaving me raw, the hurt just as sharp as it was weeks ago when he first said them.
And still, I can’t look away. Because for the first time, the jade-green eyes fixed on mine aren’t only burning with anger. There’s something else swirling there, something softer. Something dangerous. It tugs at me, threatens to pull me under, and sets every alarm in my head screaming.
“Oh yeah, there’s definitely something going on here.”
Chapter Ten
Levi
“Does he have a death wish or something?” Mark mumbles under his breath to Billy, but even though I know he must be talking about me, I don’t respond.
I can’t.
For the first time in weeks, my gaze is locked on the woman across the room.
“I’m not sure, but if he keeps staring, we’re going to find out if Maria was right about the whole Medusa thing.” From my peripheral I see Billy wave his hands around his head mimicking snakes before they all begin talking about visiting their friend Blake, who is going through a hard time right now.
I tune them out, unable to look away. I have spent weeks at a loss. As much as my head tells me to let it go and stay away from her, I justcan’t...
I screwed up. I thought she was messing with me, but the second the words came out of my mouth, and I saw the hurt in her eyes, I knew I was wrong. I didn’t just piss her off, I hurt her. The pain that she allowed me to see, and I know damn well that allowing me to see it was her choice, is buried in there, and I’m the asshole who dragged it to the surface. Still, there’s no explanation for how, within the span of twenty-four hours, she called me Batman and brought up her bird named Robin. It was too much for me to handle, and I snapped. Krystal always told me that God has a sense of humor. At this point, I’m starting to believe it. Acid burns at the back of my throat as I remember more. She told me a lot of things, like how if anything ever happened to her, she’d besure to send me signs that everything is okay. Signs that she said even my stubborn ass would be able to notice.
So here I am, screwed up, grieving over my fiancée, and unable to get those ice blue eyes out of my head. For months, I’d close my eyes, and all I’d see is Krystal’s face surrounded by ash, and now it’s like they’re both haunting me. I want to make it right, but part of me wonders if that’s such a good idea. There’s something about Tris, I don’t know if it’s her confidence, her attitude, or the way she calls me out when no one else does, that’s dug its way under my skin and burrowed in. I can’t shake it, even though I try.
I forcefully drag my eyes from her and stare out the window, trying to distract myself with the tourists outside, but it’s no use. I drag my hand over my face and through my beard as my thoughts drift, ping ponging between Tris and Krystal until I break out in a cold sweat. Guilt wracks through me. What type of person can even look at another woman months after losing his fiancée, let alone care at all about their well-being? We aren’t even friends. I don’t evercareabout anyone, and ironically, here I am doing exactly what I told her no one else does.
Damn, I really looked her dead in the face and said, “No one gives a shit” about her.
I’m full-blown spiraling now, but I can’t stop it. My chest constricts, and my breath grows shallow. I’m about to enter a full-blown panic attack of self-loathing mixed with a side of survivor’s guilt when plates land on the table, breaking my focus.
