Page 35 of Thorns and Ashes
Enjoying the sunrise over the Adirondack Mountains while I sit on my porch, sipping my early morning coffee, has been the most surprising change for me. I have a hard time falling asleep at night, but an even harder time sleeping in. Still, I never cared for the peace that morning brings until moving here. Now, rising with the sun and watching it from my rocking chair is my favorite part of each day.
There’s a slight chill in the air, so I pull my blanket tighter, knowing it will warm up quickly. A dew covers the grass, appearing like sparkles as the sun filters through the trees. Right on time, my little bird appears, fluttering her wings and taking her place on my bird feeder. My lips lift into a small smile as I take another sip of my coffee and watch. Here I can be myself, and I think that’s what I like most about it. There’s no one with expectations, demands, or judgments. Maybe that’s the real reason I prefer animals and kids to people.
As if the universe can hear my thoughts, the sound of gravel under tires breaks through the peace, like a big screw you. Levi parks and hops out of his truck. I watch him from my seat, where it’s obvious he hasn’t yet noticed me. Which is good because I need a minute. Last night, after tossing and turning, I finally gave up and decided to smoke the medical marijuana my doctor prescribed me after I told him I would absolutely not be taking whatever pills he has my mother on. Those things have had her acting like a walking co-dependent zombie since I was a teenager, and although I’m sure they work for those who take themas prescribed,I have no interest in testing that out.
While the marijuana did help me sleep, it didn’t help keep away some very provocative dreams featuring the man soaking in the sunrise before me. If I thought I was frustrated before my shower, I had a rude awakening when I woke up and realized that I had spent the night dreaming about the man I can’t stand,kneelingin front of me. Memories of the way his hands gripped my waist yesterday, rough and strong, fill my mind. I can still feel the ghost of where his fingers pressed into my soft skin. There’s no way I imagined the heat, the tension between us. His eyes lingered, and when he stepped into me, it felt like there was a war waging within them. I swallow down my coffee, eyes still fixed on him, and no longer in need of my blanket. It’s just an attraction, I tell myself. It doesn’t mean anything.
As I shift in my seat, Levi turns, noticing me, and heads up the steps to our shared porch. His guard seems to be down, like he hasn’t remembered to put it up yet, or maybe hasn’t yet realized it’s down to begin with. He looks exhausted, but it’s the type of bone-deep exhaustion that doesn’t come with having one night of unrest, but many. I should know. There was a reason I went to that doctor to help with my insomnia, after all.
He clears his throat as he reaches the top step. “Good morning,” he says, voice still gravelly from disuse.
“‘Morning.” I tip my head.
“You’re up early.”
“Always,” I hum.
He looks down, noticing the cup in my hands, and his eyes widen.
“You made coffee.”
There’s no antagonizing, no indication that he’s trying to go toe to toe with me as usual. If I didn’t know any better, he looks like a man in desperate need of a cup himself.
“I did.”
Snapping out of it, he nods his head and disappears into his side of the duplex. I look out over the front yard and sigh. What could it hurt?
A few moments later, I return outside with a second cup of coffee. As Ellie roams about the yard, I join Levi at the railing.
“Here.” I extend the coffee to him, but he stares at it with a look of suspicion and surprise.
“Is this the part where you poison me?” he teases, but takes the cup.
I open my mouth to snap, but his small smile, the way he looks at me with eyes filled with genuine appreciation over something as simple as a cup of coffee, has me exhaling instead.
“Not yet,” I tease back. I sip my coffee once beside him before moving back to my chair. Ellie notices me and is by my side in seconds. “Good morning, Ellie.” I rub behind her ears as she wags her tail and lies next to my chair.
Levi watches Ellie with a strange look I can’t place before drinking his coffee.
“Well, shit,” he sputters.
Instantly, I’m rolling my eyes. “Let me guess? You hate it?”
“No,” he laughs under his breath, the sound rough but real. “It’s actually not bad.”
“You’re kidding me.” My chin drops as I stare at him in disbelief.
“No. Is this from the cafe?”
Oh my God, this is too good.
I laugh, an uncontrollable bellow of a sound coming out of me.
His expression dims, and I reach my arm out as if to keep him in this moment with me, not yet ready for the grump I’ve grown so used to.
“No, please. I’m not.” My sentences come out in snips as I stifle my next laugh and wipe the tear that threatens to fall. “I’m not laughing at you, I’m sorry.”
“Wow.” His eyes widen. “I didn’t know you knew that word.”
