Page 58 of Little Wing
‘That’s no bad idea. The beach at the end – you might find people taking a walk. Or you might not. They might be happy to talk. Or maybe they won’t. But you’ll not regret the journey, either way.’
‘And you’ll keep asking – here?’
‘Aye, Nell.Florence Lawson. I’m asking around.’
In weather that changed from season to season within moments, Nell drove into North Harris again but now took the smaller road west to the Hushinish peninsula. Under the watch of An Cliseam and the other high hills, she navigated cautiously through the twisting single-track road which rose and fell and switched back in unpredictable cambers. A sweeping glen kept peace between the competing peaks down which burns sped over rock and moor. The scenery in this part was rugged and expansive, soaring and monumental; there was a stern but gracious benevolence unfolding with the rhythm of the hills in contrast to yesterday’s pervasive melancholy and bleakness. The route was not without its sudden surprises; the old whaling station with its unbefitting terracotta chimney and, a mile or so further on, a lone tennis court positioned so defiantly in its remoteness that Nell saw no incongruity and she batted questions at herself.
Who’d be mad enough to play there?
I would.
Where the hell am I?
In the middle of nowhere.
Is any of this a good idea?
Time will tell.
Will I find someone who knows something, anything, today?
You have to believe that you will.
Would my mum – would Wendy – want me making this journey?
Hard to tell.
Would she want me burrowing for information she’s kept from me?
Will I even tell her where I’ve been?
Has she even noticed my absence?
And then.
Would Florence want me here?
And then.
Did Florence even want to be found?
Between Nell’s thoughts and her better judgement, the volley of questions went unreturned.
And then there was a castle, quite literally, in the middle of the road. Standing so steadfast in such an extraordinary location, it super-elevated the landscape that Nell had thought couldn’t be bettered. The narrow road passed by its front door while a busy stream tumbled its way gregariously over boulders as it cut its chattering path to the sea. It was all so unexpected, so peculiarly fairy-tale, that it brought her out of her thoughts abruptly and into the day. There was an archway under which the road continued and Nell parked up. She emerged into fast weather, which was coming in sighs of sunshine and growls of sudden cloud that spat short, sudden rain like insults.
Would the laird come charging out with deerhounds and a rifle if she walked too close? The windows were right there! But however tempted she was to nose, she was also compelled to keep a respectful distance. Had it not been for two other cars and the warning signs about walking the hills in stalking season, she could have believed that she was the first person ever to have come across it. But just look at it all! How Nell wished she had Danny and Rachel and AJ and Alex and Sanjay and Libby here right now, in their quirky crocodile formation topped by Debbie, tailed by Nell. What would they make of it? At once, she saw her surroundings with the wonder they would and for the first time since leaving home she smiled broadly. Even if she found no trace of Florence, Nell was here in this very moment. A seductive kiss from the sun and a bolshie shove from the wind proved it, as she stood her ground near the dancing water while a castle watched her back.
She found a door ajar to a small shop of sorts set within the castle’s outbuildings. It was unmanned, just an honesty box and a surprising array of fine, locally sourced food. Nell thought of all the fish and chips she’d eaten. She took an apple, a bottle of water and some oatcakes, put coins in the box and went back to the stream, cajoled by a lengthy break in the clouds. There was no one around, no one to help with her mission but, just then, all of that was irrelevant. If nothing else, this would be what she could take home with her, this justified the trip, this poured value into every moment spent under a mountain, by a castle at the water’s edge.
It was therefore with some reluctance that Nell finally left to continue her drive to Hushinish; her way hampered a few miles on by a small herd of highland cattle that were quite happy not moving. She turned her engine off and one by one the cattle came to inspect her; wearing their horns like crowns, a shy curiosity peeping through their flaxen shaggy fringes. And she thought, I’m on an island thrust out into the Atlantic surrounded by creatures fromDr Dolittle. And she thought, Mum – do you remember Whipsnade? Even though we have a zoo on our doorstep, you insisted on Whipsnade? Do you remember how you stopped the car though the signs told us not to, because you said you needed to talk to the monkeys? And I was terrified? One starting fiddling with the windscreen wiper and you tapped the window gently and wagged your finger, tut-tutting and calling it a cheeky little bugger.
‘I remember,’ Nell told a cow staring at her through the window. ‘I remember being terrified that the monkeys would pull the car apart. They were everywhere, cackling and thumping. They looked wholly vicious. But my mum said, oh hush, Nell! We’re chosen! Can’t you see? She said, monkeys are a superior form of human being and don’t let the church or the science teachers tell you differently.’
The cattle ambled off, their pace so passive it almost made a mockery of their wild horns and untamed coats. Perhaps she was the leader, that one over there; the chieftain of her clan. Perhaps she was giving Nell her seal of approval to travel on because she didn’t take her herd away, just to one side so she could pass.
‘I thought my mum had magic powers that day,’ Nell said. ‘She talked with the animals and kept me safe. One of the guards told her off. Are youmad, he kept saying. But I thought she was very sane that day.’
And as she drove, Nell thought about Wendy and she wondered why she was here, in this beautiful, strange land searching for a mother she’d never known when her own mum was incarcerated on her own confused island.
