Page 50 of Dark Tangled Truths
But he won’t.
Because we fucked it up.
I left my door open so I’ll see him when he comes back. I don’t know if I want to yell at him more or plead with him to talk to me or just shove him against a wall. Mom knocks on my doorframe and wrings her hands.
“Are you doing okay, Evan? That was... a lot. I know I haven’t been the best mother...” She pauses like she wants to attach a time frame to it but decides not to. “I don’t really have an excuse. I didn’t mean to leave you alone so much. I don’t know what this is you have with Damon...and the others, but if it’s something good, I’m not going to stand in your way. If you’re open to it, I’dlove to bring you to therapy with me. I think we could use some healing between us too.”
My eyes burn, and the tears I’ve held back release on a choked sob.
“Oh, Evan.” Mom comes to me and takes me into her arms. “I’m so sorry, honey. I didn’t mean to leave you.”
I crumple into her arms and cry because the boy I love is icing me out. And I should have known better. Everyone knows that’s how Damon is with girls. Hot and cold.
But we were hot for so long, and I thought maybe, just maybe, I was different. It’s like birds are ripping my heart apart inside my chest. I wanted to believe what we have could survive anything. But what if it can’t? What if I fucked this up?
Because he was tearing apart my fragile world. He was speaking my truths to my mom. Because I didn’t just lose my dad when he died, I lost both of them. I’m so mad and sad and don’t know what to do with this tornado of emotions raging through me.
I want to hurt him the way he hurt me, but I don’t want to lose him.
Mom strokes my back and grabs tissues for me while I cry about the boy in the room next to mine. About the secrets that never should have been spoken out loud. I don’t know if he hears me or if he even cares anymore.
“I’m sure it will be fine, Evan.” Mom strokes her hand over my hair. “Every relationship has bumps in them. Some are easy to get over and some take real work. I’m sorry I didn’t see you were lonely. You were always so busy and seemed happy.”
“I was happy.” I keep my injured hand tucked against my chest but take her hand with my left. “It’s not your job?—”
“I’m your mother, Evan.” Her voice is firm even if it shakes just a little. “Of course it’s my job to notice when you’re hiding things. I’m just sorry it took me so long to open my eyes. Andthat it took your boyfriend to force me to see you.” She uses a tissue to clean the tears off my face. “You can stay home if you want. I can call the school.”
I shake my head and blink back the tears. “Rehearsal, classes. I can’t miss. But thank you.”
She touches my jaw. “I love you, Evan. I just want us to be happy. This place makes me happy, but if you’re not?—”
“I’m happy here too.” I blow out a breath. Even if Damon hates me, I don’t want to leave. “If things don’t work out, I’ll be fine for the rest of the year, promise.”
I’ll be an emotional basket case, but I’ll work it out. Because that’s what I do.
When I openthe garage to drive my car, or rather Damon’s car, to school, he pulls up on his bike and holds out my helmet without a word. For a second, I consider not taking it, being stubborn and driving the car. It’s not like he won’t follow me to school anyway.
I don’t know if he even turned on the Bluetooth headset in his helmet. I don’t bother talking to him, and he doesn’t say anything to me.
I hold on like this ride could fix us, but I know it won’t. Nothing can wash away how we tore each other apart. Nothing will get us back to yesterday when he held me tight and called me his. My heart shatters into tiny pieces with every second I hold him. But I keep it all inside, lock it away, so I can get through this day.
When we get to school, his hand teases my back with just enough pressure to lead until we reach Hawk and Cam in the hallway. I keep my chin high. Then his touch fades, and I turn towatch him walk away from me. I swallow down the tears trying to strangle me. But they blur my vision and burn my eyes.
Fuck him.
I don’t know what Hawk and Cam know. Did Damon talk to them? Are we over? Is he just protecting me because he feels obligated now?
Hawk kisses my temple and runs his hand down my back, but his hard gaze is on Damon.
“I’ve got you, goody.” Cam wraps his arm around my shoulders and leads me to first period. I should have stayed home, slunk into our room, crawled into his bed, and slept, surrounded by his warmth and scent. Pretend none of this happened.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks when we sit down.
I shake my head and put my arms on top of my books, resting my head on them and staring out the window. I don’t even know if I can fix this or if, after the anger burns off, if I’ll want to fix this. I broke his trust, but he broke mine too. We hurt each other with the truth like it was a weapon. And for what? That’s what I don’t get. We were tired and caught and instead of staying quiet, instead of being a team, we just put everything out there.
We picked battles that weren’t ours to fight. Damon went after my mother and I didn’t think. I just wanted to hurt him the way he was hurting me.
Cam rubs my back until class starts. I’m so fucked. But I’m not going to let it fuck up my future.
