Page 32 of Finding Shelter
Again, he didn’t have any time to answer. “I saw you two sacrificing everything for me, even when I definitely didn’t deserve it. Most especially when I didn’t deserve it. I saw you two sit quietly by, encouraging me, while I built a life that would barely include you, if at all. Meanwhile, all you two really had was each other and all the pain I caused.”
Valon focused on Kash. “You’re right. Silence is its own formof violence. In the silence that night, I realized how truly fucked up I am.”
“Baby, that’s not true.” Ledger couldn’t hear Valon say anything bad about himself. It hurt his heart too badly.
A sad smile passed over Valon’s lips.
Marc leaned against the doorframe with an expression that screamed he didn’t judge.
Kash stared at Valon as if studying for a test.
Ledger couldn’t stop taking in every detail.
Valon took his hand. The moment had the whole I’m-going-to-hold-your-hand-while-I-say-this vibe. “I need you to be happy.Please do this one thing for me and have the life you deserve. Let this be one time I didn’t—” Valon stopped and took a second. “I need to know you’re happy.” His gaze moved Kash’s way. “I need to know we’re still friends.”
“There’s never been a day you couldn’t call me.” Kash sounded gruff, as if trying but failing to hide his emotions.
Valon brightened. “You two should enjoy your day.” He jumped out of bed. “I’m going to show Marc the studio here where I recorded my first album. When I called earlier, they said I could use whatever they have available if I just need some inspiration to write something new. It could be fun to get back to the basics.”
Ledger nodded along, wondering when his son had developed a split personality. “Have a good time. I’ll see you when you get back.”
With a smile and a wave, Valon was out the door.
Ledger and Kash looked each other’s way. For a moment, they simply held each other’s stare. Then, simultaneously, they settled in to snuggle. Tucked beneath Kash’s arm, Ledger trailed his fingertip up and down Kash’s torso, drawing invisible pictures.
“Welp.” Kash’s sexy voice broke the silence. “This has been a very enlightening yet confusing visit.”
Ledger took a steadying breath. He had to believe everything would be okay. “At least I know my son is still in there. I think he’ll talk to us when he’s ready. You know Valoncan’t sit still.”
“Or stay quiet when he’s comfortable with people,” Kash said with a deep chuckle that vibrated against the ear Ledger had pressed to his chest.
A genuine smile popped to Ledger’s lips. “Yeah.” He made it two heartbeats. “When are we getting married? I know you. You have a plan.”
“This one time, I think I’ll let you help make some decisions.”
Ledger couldn’t stop smiling due to the happiness in Kash’s voice alone. “You’ve never had a wedding, so…”
“Who the fuck would I invite to a wedding?” Kash sounded genuinely confused.
“Thank God. I never want to go through the stress of matching flowers withnapkins and bow ties ever again. That shit sucks the life right out of you.” After his rant, guilt set in. He shouldn’t talk about his past, and Kash deserved a huge wedding. He would only have the one. “But I’d be proud as hell to have you at my side in front of a huge venue that someone else put together.”
Kash didn’t respond right away. When he did, he sounded kind of dreamy rather than any reaction Ledger had been panicking over. “Do you remember the night before I broke down and drove to L.A. to confront Valon?”
Ledger couldn’t forget that night. They had almost kissed, or at least it had felt that way to Ledger. He had thought about that night way more than was probably healthy, trapped between longing and knowing that was the moment that hadbroken Kash. That almost-kiss was the catalyst that changed the course of their lives.
“Yeah. We went to the bookstore and got ice cream afterward.”
“I mean after that,” Kash said, pushing Ledger to focus on the moment that could have gone so many ways.
“We went to the beach, sat in the sand, and listened to the crashing waves.” Ledger swore he still felt every emotion from that night. Every sound still lived in his ears.
“I was enraged at the unfairness of life.” Ledger froze at Kash’s confession. Kash kept talking, changing Ledger’s view of what happened. “You were always so sad, and I was hurt and fucking furious.” His tone backed up his claim. “Frustration boiled hotter and bigger inside me with every second that passed. All because I realized how hopeless everything was. I’d spent years thinking I built some kind of future with Valon, only to find out too late that I spent more time building a life with you than him, and it was a life I would never have.” His muscles relaxed. His tone softened. “But then I looked at you and you looked at me, and I thought, one day, I’ll marry him. I had no idea how long it would take, but I knew you were the one. Back then, that was probably the most heartbreaking moment of my life. Now, I think maybe that’s where we should get married.”
Ledger’s whole chest warmed. He hadn’t even suspected that was where Kash’s confessions were headed. But Kash was right, and Ledger could already picture it.
“Just us with Valon as our witness. That sounds beautiful.”
Kash somehow managed to snuggle even closer. “Yeah. It’ll be perfect. You’ll see.”
