Page 26 of Finding Shelter
Valon’s family hadn’t been poor growing up. He had been given access to a lot of advantages other kids didn’t have. Yet his dads hadn’t turned their noses up at the less fortunate. Well, his dad hadn’t. He didn’t know about Ry. They hadn’t spent much time together over the years. Ry had been the absent parent, always working. Valon snorted. Yeah, working his way through every gym hottie he saw. To this day, Valon believed that was the biggest reason Ry had wanted to open his own gym. It was a hunting ground. So, really. Valon had only oneparent. He had to think about anything at all other than what he couldn’t have. Some days were harder than others. The shittiest part was no one could ever know it, because he was a goddamn star. How dare he experience anything other than absolute happiness? This career had taken him to some real heights, but the lows felt deeper than ever.
His phone rang incessantly, driving him insane. He checked the face. It was Ry again. Valon snapped and answered out of pure spite. “Stop fucking calling me, Ry. You’re no longer my dad. You’re not part of my life any longer. In fact, you’re no fucking body to me but the loser who never deserved the family you had. I don’t want you. Dad doesn’t want you. For fuck’s sake, catch a clue and go away.” He disconnected the call beforeRy said a word. If he called again, Valon might toss his phone in the pool. He might anyhow. Valon was so fucking sick of everything. He had tried blocking Ry a million times, but he always found a way to get to Valon. All he wanted was money. He didn’t give a fuck about Valon. Never had.
“This place suits you. An awesome house for a badass superstar.”
Valon looked over as Kash’s voice cut through his thoughts. Sure enough. There Kash was, looking exactly how Valon had imagined he would look someday. Big and tattooed, with a smile that screamed he would do all the bad things.
“I’d ask how you got past security, but you probably know at least one of them.”
Kash didn’t look the least bit repentant when he sat sideways on the loungenext to Valon, facing him with his elbows braced on his knees. “You’re ignoring calls and texts again.”
Thank fuck he wore sunglasses. There was no stopping his eye roll. Some things about Kash never changed. He had acted more like Valon’s father than anything else he had ever been to Valon.
“God forbid I take a single fucking second for myself to just think. Jesus Christ. This world is exhausting.”
Kash openly studied him. “You sound almost as bitter as I am.”
“Nope. I'm a rock star, remember? What could I possibly be bitter about?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe the fact that I’mdating your dad.”
Valon made a dismissive gesture. “Oh, that. Who do you think put you two together?”
Kash scratched his chin. If Valon didn’t know him so well, he would say Kash was unbothered. That chin scratch was a tell, though. He was nervous.
Valon sighed. Maybe this was exactly the distraction needed. “Look, you’ve always been better matched with Dad than me. I can fully admit that I’m a spoiled taker who—though I didn’t realize it at the time—used you for the way you praised me. That’s a bad description, but it doesn’t matter anymore.” Valon swiped his hand through the air, trying to wipe away the words. “I left you two alone for three whole months, for God’s sake, and still you chased after me, hoping we weren’t over. I realizedthen that neither of you were the type to hurt me by getting together, so I shrugged everything off and stayed my course. But then, Dad never dated and looked like a kicked puppy every time I saw him because I’m really all he has. I love him. He’s my dad. I’d never hurt him if I could help it, but I have a super busy career now. I’m grown. My life can’t revolve around him, and his life shouldn’t revolve around me. It’s his time to be free. So I called Steel and asked him to do whatever it took to get you to take on the job of guarding Dad. Granted, I told him it was because Dad wouldn’t likely accept the protection he needed under any other circumstance, and Steel said he couldn’t make any promises. But here you are and damn, dude. Who do you think turned off the alarm and worried you into sleepingin Dad’s bed that first night? No one knows you two better than I do. I knew there was no way you two could resist each other a second time around.”
Kash didn’t look relieved. In fact, Valon wondered if Kash counted inside his head to gather every ounce of patience he possessed. “So you knew what you were doing back then. You hadn’t just gotten carried away and overwhelmed and forgotten to keep in touch.”
They weren’t questions, so Valon didn’t answer.
Kash pinched the spot between his eyes before he spoke again. When he focused on Valon again, his eyes were cold. “Here’s the thing. You neverdeserved me.”
Valon nodded. “Fair. You were owed that one.”
Kash didn’t stop. “Ledger deserves better than you.”
“Ouch.” Seriously, Kash might have earned a free shot at him, but his dad had been given the world from Valon. “I think you’re forgetting how much I’ve given him over the years. He never has to want for a single thing.”
“Oh, I know,” Kash said, sounding beyond sarcastic. “You’ve given him all the space and anxiety. He’s watched you turn into a stranger. On top of that, you forget he exists half the damn time.” Kash paused, took a deep breath, and visibly reeled his temper in. Unfortunately, his next words hit so hard, he couldn’t breathe. “Silence is its own type of violence, Valon.It’s cruel and childish. It drives me fucking crazy the way you use it to punish everyone in your path. I know my ending up with your dad probably makes me look like a total piece of shit, but fuck, Valon. Back then, I loved you. Still do. Just in a different way and the way you just—” Kash snapped his teeth together and ran a hand through his hair as if thinking about pulling it out.
Valon wasn’t dumb. He saw Kash’s speech was really about Kash’s feelings and not his dad’s. Sometimes, it was just easier to pretend nothing hurt. Kash’s entire life had tried to break him. He couldn’t show weakness. It was too ingrained in him to carry the weight of everything.
“Do you think it was easy for me to watch you fallin love with my dad?”
Kash winced before guilt etched his features.
Valon didn’t stop. “I mean, I get it. Your life was heavy and unstable. No one sat and listened to what you were dealing with. I don’t know why I was like that. You have no idea how many times I’ve wondered why I never asked questions. Why didn’t I know you as well as you knew me? How did I not even know what your dreams were? But I was young. Most everyone is a little selfish when they’re young, except for you, of course, obviously.”
“You’re still young.”
“So are you.”
Kash snorted at his rebuttal.
“Yeah,” Valon said with all the sarcasm he could muster. “Now you know how you sounded. However, my point is, I had to sit with the knowledge that I had been such a bad person I drove my dad and boyfriend into each other’s arms. But you’re better with him, and he’s better with you, and I really don’t matter at all. But don’t you dare think I wasn’t hurt because I was, and yeah. I still fucking love you too, but in a different way. You were my best friend. My only friend, and now I don’t have any goddamn body.” By the time he was finished, Valon was yelling. Life was fucking killing him, and no one noticed. He couldn’t deal with this bullshit too.
“You have your dad, and you have me.” Kash sounded so fucking honest and caring that his tone had Valonfighting tears. “Get changed and pack a bag. You’re coming home for a few days. I know your schedule is a nightmare, but I can afford to fly you out with security to wherever you’re going next. But right now, you need to be with us.”
