Page 23 of Finding Shelter
“I’m sure it’s not easy being the one who worries and takes care of everyone else. If no one else has realized how blessed they are to have you, just know I see it.” Kash had kept his gaze on taking care of the grill and burgers before turning Ledger’s way. He had worried he might show how angry he was about Ry all over again. Now he needed Ledger to see the truth in Kash’s eyes while Kash continued. “You’re amazing,and I don’t deserve to have you in my life. That doesn’t mean I’ll set you free. I’m too selfish for that, but I know I’m damn lucky to be here. Even if I fail at everything else in life, you’ll know I have your back every day.” Sometimes even Kash didn’t know where he was going with his ramblings. He didn’t know how to vocalize the way Ledger’s existence in his life had always been priceless to him.
Ledger kissed the corner of Kash’s mouth. His lips lingered.
Kash closed his eyes and savored the experience, stashing it away to be one of his favorite moments. There was more to them than sexual attraction. Even though Kash had known that, he felt it in that moment in a way he hadn’t before. Ledger’s kiss showed his heart. He truly intended for this to be areal relationship. No going back. Ledger’s sweet kiss felt like forever. Kash fought the urge to cry. One thing he had always known was Ledger could crush him like nothing had ever done before. Even before Kash had caught himself thinking about Ledger’s mouth in a way he shouldn’t, Ledger had been a steady presence that Kash had needed with a desperation he couldn’t put into words. He knew what he had to lose, and he couldn’t do it.
Ledger took a step back, but the spell he cast lingered. “Put those on the table. I’ll run in and swipe some burn cream on this arm. Then I’ll bring out the rest of the food.”
“I can help.” He wanted to stay glued to Ledger’s side. He felt oddly vulnerable now. But the love in Ledger’s eyes was real.It was his.
Ledger chuckled. “Go sit down.”
Kash watched Ledger head inside the house with hope filling him to the brim. He genuinely had a real home now. A place for him in the world existed, and it was right here. Kash terrified himself, knowing how far he would go to keep this. He would burn the world.
At the kitchen counter, cold water poured onto his burn. It didn’thurt that bad. Ledger just got lost in his head while staring out the window above the sink. He wasn’t torn. Ledger didn’t have a tough decision ahead of him. This was his life.His. He wanted to cry with relief at the revelation. The way Kash had reacted to seeing him hurt was a stone crushing his chest. Love pressed so hard on him that he couldn’t breathe.
He caught sight of Kash inside the screen in eating area by the pool. Kash kept moving the plate of hamburgers from one spot to the next. A lump formed in his throat. Goddamn. Four months of being the one cared for, saving him from having to be the one who always managed everything, sigh. He couldn’t even describe how much lighter he felt. In fact, Ledger might have turned into a bit of a princess. That was how accustomed hehad become to being pampered by Kash. It was too adorable watching Kash try to decide where Ledger would sit, so he would have the best angle to reach the burgers. There were only two of them. They could both reach them fine. Damn. He was so fucking in love. Ledger wanted to ask what he had done to deserve this miracle. Unfortunately, Ledger knew he didn’t deserve this. He could never tell his story about falling for Kash without looking terrible. Some things in life didn’t give a damn about anyone’s feelings. Love was one of those things. It was all the same, whether it was falling in love or losing it; no one had any real control. Some stories weren’t beautiful or tragic. They just were what they were. Kash and he felt inevitable.
Ledger turned off the water and found the first-aid kit. Suddenly, he couldn’t get back outside to be with Kash fast enough. He needed to make up for those five years they missed, even though things wouldn’t be what they were right now if he had turned his life upside down earlier.
He ran around grabbing everything they needed for their burgers. Ledger had several bottles tucked under his arm, along with buns and chips. Plus, the plates of toppings in his hand. He waddled outside, trying not to drop anything.
At the first sight of him, Kash laughed. He jumped in to help Ledger carry everything to the table. “I offered to help.” Humor laced the reminder. Kash rescued what he could, freeingLedger.
Ledger couldn’t stop smiling. He felt a little ridiculous about his desperate race to get back to Kash. He was so sexy, though. Wearing nothing but his swimming trunks, Kash’s every tattoo was on display. The way they moved with his muscles made Ledger weak. As they stood side by side, setting everything on the table, Ledger couldn’t take it anymore. “You’re really fucking gorgeous. You know that, right?”
“It doesn’t matter if I know it.” He glanced over and met Ledger’s stare. “All that matters is if you think so. I’ll get older and change too.”
“You’ll always be beautiful to me.”
Kash quickly kissed his nose. “Same. I love you.”
That never got old. “I love you too.”
“Fuck, it’s hot out here.” Valon came tumbling out the back door. Sunglasses on and dressed all in black like it wasn’t August. “I hope you made enough for…” He glanced behind him. “Well, hell. Where did my guard go?” Valon shrugged. “Guess it’s just me.”
Ledger went on full alert. He couldn’t believe how close they had come to getting caught. Not that he didn’t want Valon to know. He just hadn’t found the right words yet, and he sure as hell didn’t want Valon to find out on his own.
Ledger’s smile was real, though. It was rare for Valon to pop in like this. “There’s always enough for you.” Especially since Ledger had made enough to have leftovers. He always did, just in case. Hopesprang eternal.
“Nice.” Valon chose a chair and sat. He took the one next to Kash and grabbed a paper plate.
Ledger felt the way Kash avoided looking too closely at either of them. Awkwardness settled in. Ledger did his best to keep the tension out of the air. “I’m glad to see you.”
Valon doctored his burger like he didn’t think Ledger meant him.
This time, Kash and he exchanged glances.
Kash jumped in. “I would’ve thought you’d be halfway across the country right now.”
With the way his chin shot up and his head turned Kash’s way, Valon seemed surprised anyone spoke to him. “I don’tactually know what day it is. But I’m pretty sure this is one of the weeks I have off.”
“That’s awesome. I love seeing you.” Ledger sat across from the pair, smiling too brightly, and desperately trying to break the tension coiling inside him. “Eat as much as you’d like.”
Valon lifted one shoulder in a half shrug. “I’m really not all that hungry. You know I can’t resist your cooking, though.” He took a bite of his burger. It looked as if he stared into space. Unfortunately, Ledger couldn’t get a good read on Valon with the dark sunglasses in place. They ate in uncomfortable silence. Kash was always the one who made everyone laugh at the dinner table. Now he kept his gaze locked on his plate. Ledger couldn’t stop glancing between the two. Either Kash didn’t look his way because hedidn’t want to give them away, or Ledger hurt him with his silence.
Ledger rubbed his chest. He knew whichever way he went right now, he would hurt someone. If he didn’t speak up right now, it would be worse later. Either Valon would think he lied and kept secrets or Kash would get fed up and leave.
He took a deep breath. “There’s something I need to—”
