Page 50 of The Blood Witch
“What about you?” he counters wistfully, and I can tell his thoughts are stuck in yummy food-ville.
“Definitely an Untidy Joseph, oh...and a mountain of mashed potatoes with gravy,” I admit, licking my lips.
“What adult eats Sloppy Joes?” Elon questions, and I scoff at his poor, deprived and ignorant ways.
I raise my hand and then point to myself for good measure. “Um, I do. They’re like a weird comfort food in my family. If my Aunt Hillen is without a jar of her secret sauce, you know the world is about to end. I mean,Manwich, eat your heart out. Her sauce is so good, and she puts all these hidden veggies in it and serves it on a homemade roll... Ugh, it’s pure chef’s kiss,” I tell him dreamily and then actually do a chef’s kiss, because it’s just wrong not to when you’re talking about something so delectable.
“Damn, I must be starved, but that does sound good,” he admits, and I smile, adding to the list of things that need to happen when we make it out of here: have Hillen make this boy her world famous Sloppy Joes. “But that’s not what I was asking,” Elon tells me, cutting into my list-making thoughts. “I want to know what the deepest, darkest secret you’ve never told anyone is,” he asks, a snarky brow raised in interest.
“What? You get a pass, but I don’t?” I counter.
“Pshh, no, you already knew mine, that’s not the same as a pass. It’s only fair that you dish too so we’re back on an even playing field,” he teases, and I huff, disgruntled because I can’t find any fault in that logic.
So instead, I think about what the answer is. Typically, my go-to deep and dark is about my dad, but it doesn’t feel right to still look at it that way, not with what I’ve been feeling lately. I study Elon’s face and wonder if I should really tell him the thing I never thought I’d tell a soul. I mean, I’ve barely even admitted it to myself. I release a deep breath and straighten my shoulders as though it will give me the strength to admit the truth.
“The secret I’ve never told anyone, the one I’ve barely come to terms with is...I think I could fall in love with your brother,” I admit, the words practically floating in front of me as though they’re waiting for me to take them back, but I don’t want to. “I say this after he’s fucked me over twice and made it quite clear that he would save you over me time and time again, but even with all of that, I still care about him more than I should.”
Elon is quiet, silently observing me and probably thinking I’m a mental case because I’ve only known his brother for a short while, and even then, it was because we were looking for him. “And why is that something you’d want to keep secret?” he asks me softly.
“Because I’m afraid that it makes methat girl,” I explain with a generalized gesture to the side of me as thoughthat girlsits to my right. “You know, the one who keeps tagging along after a man who doesn’t treat her right and can’t see her worth. The girl who makes excuses for the asshole and doesn’t realize she loves the drama more than the man.” I sigh. “I never thought I’d be that chick, but here I am caring about a witch who won’t really ever choose me. And as much as it bothers me, the truth is, I could love him. Even though he may never love me back.”
Heaviness settles in my chest as my confession swirls around me in the stale air. I always thought this shit was supposed to make you lighter, but really I feel even more weighted down by reality and what I’m probably never going to have. I was willing to settle for a physical connection, to read into his actions and tell myself therecouldbe more, but then I’d be ignoring what Rogan told me himself,I can’t let myself get distracted, I can’t put anything before Elon and his safety.
“And no, you don’t need to hide the rabbits, I’m not going to go allFatal Attractionon anyone,” I add when Elon is just a little too quiet for my insecure nerves to take. “Don’t forget this was a secret, I never had any intention of telling anyone, so you just simmer down.”
Elon chuckles, and half his mouth tilts up into a cheeky grin. “I see why he likes you,” he tells me, and I shoot him aget reallook while, inside, my heart is screaming,do go on.
“Don’t look at me like that. Do you think he just laid all his shit bare for you because he doesn’t care? You’re a smart girl, Osteomancer, even you have to see that,” he teases.
“I do not,” I argue, really showcasing my maturity, and have to stop myself from punctuating that declaration with a huff.
Elon chuckles and rolls his eyes. “Maybe he’s not admitting it properly, but my brother doesn’t trust anyone. If he trusts you with not just his secrets butminetoo, it’s huge. He’s fiercely protective and loyal, and it may seem like it’s just toward me, but I know him. If he’s letting you in, you mean more to him than you know. I’m sorry he hurt you,” he starts, and I wave him off like it’s nothing.
“No, really,” he continues, his eyes locked on mine intensely. “I am sorry. I know the only reason he would have done that is because he has a one-track mind when it comes to me and my safety. I wish I could explain what it did to Rogan when he found out I wasn’t okay, that I hadn’t been for a long time. You’d think he was the tougher older sibling with the way he is, but it rocked Rogan’s world, tainted what he thought he knew about our family and our place in it. And since then, we’ve only really had each other.
“When my uncle attacked me, and then Rogan and I woke up after we shouldn’t have, everything that came after just reinforced that it was the two of us against the world. He needs time to adjust to more. He needs patience. But, Lennox, he’s worth it, I want you to knowthatabove all else. He’s the most decent witch and incredible friend and brother anyone could ever ask for,” he tells me, a hitch of emotion catching in his throat. “I don’t deserve him. He always tells me that’s our fucked up uncle talking and I shouldn’t believe it, but I really don’t deserve him. Either way though, I don’t know what I’d do without him, and I hope I never have to find out.”
Elon wipes at his eyes, his green gaze unwavering and filled with steely conviction. It makes my own eyes tear up in response.
“He’s coming,” I reassure him with every ounce of conviction in my tired body. “He’s coming for you.”
Elon shakes his head. “No, he’s coming forus,” he corrects, and I wipe at a tear that falls down my cheek.
We both grow quiet in companionable contemplation. I keep going over Elon’s words in my head, looking for loopholes and wavering certainty. Part of me wants to find fault in his declaration, to protect myself against the hope Elon’s words have sparked in me. But I can’t dismiss the heartfelt points he just made. Rogan loves his brother more than anything; if there’s one thing I know about that witch, it’s that. And Elon’s right, if Rogan is trusting me with not just his secret but the secrets of the person he loves most in this world...well, there’s no ignoring the meaning of that.
I release a weary exhale and choose not to abandon hope just yet. I mean, what do I have to lose? I’ve survived heartbreak before, I can do it again. Rogan is worth it, and so am I. A small smile takes over my face, and I look over to see that Elon is watching me. He smiles back as though he can read the thoughts in my head like they’re his new favorite book. I shake my head at him and move to lie on my back.
“Fancy a game ofI spy?” I ask randomly, and Elon chuckles and lies down too.
“I spy a church that needs to be burned to the ground,” he states drolly, and I laugh.
“Touché, Osteomancer Kendrick, touché.”
From your lips to fate’s ears.
16
I’m exhausted. Not exhausted enough to actually fall asleep, which would be a welcome blessing at this point, but definitely enough to generally feel miserable and cranky. I thought I felt drained the day before with all the trying to find a chink in the armor of this demon magicked cage and from all of my attempts to discover a way to use my magic despite the excruciating pain it causes, but no. Now I truly understand what it is to feel spent and depleted. One night on a dirty stone floor in nothing but sleep shorts and a thin tank top has me feeling beyond wrecked. My eyes burn with fatigue, but just when my mind and body give into it, my ominous surroundings and the cold step in and cackle anot so fast.
