Page 68 of Grave Mistakes
Iceman continues to search for the right words, and I get more and more nervous. I look around at the others, but they’re equally quiet, and my nerves shoot around like jumping beans. I don’t want to get lectured about this, and I sure as hell don’t want to get blamed.
When Iceman finally opens his mouth to say something, I jump up, cutting him off. “Look, you guys are the ones who started the flirting, not me, so if anyone is to blame, it’s them,” I declare pointing at Crux and Echo.
They both voice a defensive, “Hey,” but Iceman’s expression turns confused. “What are you talking about?” he asks, looking from me to the guys.
I blink and drop my arm. Shit, did I read this wrong?
I try to stuff my hand awkwardly in my front pocket just for something to do, but because these are women’s jeans, it’s only about an inch deep, so it looks hella ridiculous as I try to prop it in there all casual-like. I pull it back out and shift on my feet. “Ummm...what areyoutalking about?” I counter.
Iceman studies me for a moment and then looks over at Crux and Echo. The idiots don’t even try to play it off. Crux grins mischievously, while Echo lets his shadows shift and swirl around his pale skin. My face burns about as hot as Jerif’s skin.
“I specifically said no sleepovers,” Iceman tells them with a sigh.
“We didn’t sleep,” Echo says with a smirk.
“Oh my God, don’t say it like that,” I hiss, moving away from them to go sit on the opposite end of the couch as Iceman. I don’t miss the expression of disappointment that seems to flicker over his features before he shutters it away. I’m not sure exactly what that means. Is he disappointedinus? Or...is he disappointed that he wasn’t here to participate for our naughty straddle on the couch? I shift, pressing my thighs together to stifle my neediness. God, that dream really fucked me up.
“Nothing happened.”Except for letting Echo’s shadows trail over my body while grinding on his dick. Oh and being totally cool with Crux watching the whole thing, which was probably the catalyst to the really filthy dream I just had about all of you…I clear my throat. “They did leave last night, but I’m guessing, when there were no Gate issues, they came back and renovated my kitchen. That’s all.”
Iceman glances back over to the space. “I noticed.”
“Your floor plan is much better,” Jerif pipes in arrogantly, which is basically the equivalent ofI told you so.
“Anyway,” I say, bulldozing past the awkward conversation before Crux or Echo can interject anything about our happy hour on the couch, “what did you want to talk about?”Please don’t be some sort of dream reader,I chant silently.
Iceman leans forward on the couch, bracing his forearms on his powerful thighs as he looks at me while the others circle around the back of the couch. “I know you’re not ready, Delta, and all of us were hoping we could postpone this until you were...but we need to go back to Hell.”
I stare at Iceman blankly for a beat as his words dig into me. I’m relieved that this has nothing to do with the dream, but that relief quickly evaporates as what he’s saying takes root. Hell. I have to go back to Hell.
I probably should have been expecting this, especially after what happened at the other Gate, but I haven’t given it a moment’s thought. I’ve been too busy coveting demon orgasms, and I don’t know what that even says about me. Maybe epic levels of avoidance is my demon superpower.
I try to stuff my hand into my damn pocket again, because clearly, I didn’t learn my lesson the first time. It’s even more awkward now since I’m sitting on the couch. “So...Hell.”
Iceman watches me carefully. “Yes.”
I nod slowly as I look down at my lap. Shit. I know I committed to trying to be okay with this whole demon thing, I mean, what other choice do I have? But this is it. I either accept this future for myself or… I pause, suddenly unable to finish that thought. I keep thinking I can walk away, but after seeing what I saw at the other Hellgate, and feeling what it felt like to protect it, to be part of the team...walking away just doesn’t feel like an option. If the group sex fantasy tells me anything—aside from my serious need to get laid—it’s that I want this, to be a part of this group, no matter how much it freaks me out at the same time.
“This is not what I thought I was signing up for,” I start as I pick at my cuticles just to have something to do. “I mean...me being a demon is one thing, but being a Hellgate Guardian that’s tied to you and a Gate for the rest of the foreseeable future? That’s...a lot to take in,” I admit before looking back up at him. For some reason, Iceman has always seemed like “the boss” to me. Maybe it has to do with the fact that he’s an Unus demon from the First Ring of Hell, but it seems like the guys defer to him, and I find myself wanting to earn his respect. “But then you guys took me to the other Gate yesterday.”
My eyes flick over to the scythe propped up by the front door. If I concentrate, I can still taste the ash that was in my mouth and the way my muscles felt when I spun the weapon and took out those Cousin It demons.
“I can’t ignore it now. I can’t just shut my eyes and hope it all goes away. Not when I know what kinds of things are trying to sneak out of Hell. Not when I know what you guys are up against and what’s riding on it.”
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly as I wrap my mind and future around what I’m about to say. I meet Iceman’s eyes and feel more certain and steadier than I thought I would.
Go figure.
“If I’m honestly your best shot at helping to stabilize the Gate, then I know I need to help. I’m still adjusting to all of this, and I don’t know how long that will take, but I could never forgive myself if something really bad came through all because I was too much of a coward to accept what I am. I don’twantto be a coward.”
“So you’ll come?” he asks, an edge of hope riding his tone.
I’m probably going to regret this, but… “Yeah. I’ll come. I’ll try to be a Hellgate Guardian.”
There seems to be a collective sigh that comes out of the guys, and the mood in the room immediately lifts. “But I have to be honest...I have no fucking clue how to do what you guys do, and I’m a little terrified.”
“We’ll teach you,” Iceman quickly says, as if he wants to reassure me before I change my mind.
“And I reallyhaveto go to Hell? I can’t just guard the Gate without goingdown there?” I ask, pointing past my floor as if Hell is right below us.
