Page 61 of Awakened and Betrayed
“Sex!” I exclaim. “Sex can make a lot of things better.”
Aydin spits out the water he just took a gulp off and starts to cough uncontrollably. Evrin gives him a couple hard slaps on his back, and I can feel Bastien’s laughter rumbling in his chest next to me. I realize that maybe the sisters might not exactly be down to talk about their sex life, or the lack thereof, in front of all of these guys, but seriously, I'm not wrong.
Not that I'm some kind of expert, being that my first time was last night and resulted in two out of three parties writhing in pain, but I'm trying not to focus on that. Aydin recovers from his coughing fit, and the sisters start to bustle about the kitchen getting things together for breakfast. My statement is left hanging in the air like we weren't just having a conversation. I turn to Sabin.
"Casters claim that females are valued and treasured, but how can you believe that when they’re traded like prize stock if they’re powerful, and dismissed as insignificant if they’re not?"
Sabin opens this mouth to say something, but I can tell by the look on his face he's going to defend the beliefs he was raised with. I do everything I can not to roll my eyes and try hard to hear him out. I want to know why so many of them say they believe one thing but the action of the culture shows something very different.
"Our ways all revolve around magic and keeping it strong. It's the foundation of our traditions and practices. It may seem archaic, but where would we be if magic died off?"
"I'm not saying that magic isn't important, but why does it seem to be the only thing that is. The elders are pushing me toward the coven oftheirchoice because they want a powerful match, but why is our match,” I gesture to him and the others, “any less powerful than what I would have with Enoch and his coven?”
I watch Sabin as he gives what I’m saying some thought.
“I don't for a second believe that it would be,” I tell him. “I honestly think they assume that Enoch and his group would control me better, which in turn gives the elders more direct access to me and what I can do. You can't tell me that what they're trying to do is all about keeping magic safe and strong."
Sabin doesn’t say anything, and I can tell that he’s searching for some other explanation or way to show me that what I think is not the way it is at all, but I don’t think he’s going to find it. I’m sure it can’t be easy questioning things and people that you've never had to question before. The doubt I see on his face doesn't make me feel triumphant, it makes me feel sad. Sad that the world he thought existed is crumbling before him under the weight of its bullshit facade.
I turn to Knox. "Speaking ofdelicate flower broodmares,let’s get that birth control potion you mentioned sorted."
He gives me a warm smile, but when it drops slightly, an alarm sounds in my head.
"I don't think I should try and make the spell, not with whatever new magic you've just given us. I don't want to make something and find out later that it didn't work, because my magic isn’t functioning the way I’m used to."
"Uh,okay, so what does that mean. Can we have someone else make it?" I ask and look around the room for volunteers because I'm sure as fuck not having any babies.
Sabin rubs the back of his neck awkwardly looking away and then back to me. "We can go to my family coven's shop; they'll have something for you there." Sabin offers, and I don't miss the tips of his ears getting redder or the blush that sneaks across his cheeks.
It's tempting to tease him about it, until I realize that I'm about to possibly meet some of Sabin's family for the first time and it will be when he takes me to pick up birth control.
Well, this should be fun!
32
Irun my hand over the creamy leather interior of Sabin's old and lovingly restored Bronco. We sit in companionable silence as the familiar grouping of buildings that make up Solace's main part of town looms closer in the distance. I spot the bell tower of the Academy and realize I’ve never heard it chime the time once since I’ve been here.
“Your last year of training starts what... next Monday? Are you ready to start training again?” I ask.
Sabin features morph into an indecipherable look as he searches for an answer to what I thought was an innocent question.
"Yeah, I'm not sure, to be honest. Most of my life I've been picturing a future as a paladin, but now I wonder if that's really going to be a possibility for us."
I turn to him perplexed. "Why wouldn't it be?"
"Elder Cleary knows what you are, and now, so does Enoch and his coven, and Knox and Ryker’s family, but as far as we know, that's it. If all of us get runes and start manifesting magic we’ve never had before, how long will it take before the secrets out and you have an even bigger target on your back?"
I sift through his words for a minute looking for an out, or a way to keep the future he's describing from happening.
“Right now it’s just Ryker and Knox that have the runes. The three of us can just go the recluse route, which wouldn’t be too hard since the house has everything we could want. We can make sure that you, Bastien, and Valen don’t acquire any new runes or power. You guys can fulfill your paladin dream, while I train Knox and Ryker. And when you graduate, we’ll be a half-paladin, half-vigilante, kickass crime-fighting coven.” I tell him with hopeful eyes and a reassuring nod. “We can totally make that work.”
He chuckles and reaches out a hand to caress my cheek.
“I’m learning that maybe this isn't the place I've spent my life believing it was. I hoped that somehow when what you are and what you can do comes out, that the community would simply embrace you and treat you like you're one of them. But even if most of them did, the small number that didn’t or that wanted to use you, like Adriel does, like maybe the elders do, they’d always be a threat to us. We would always be looking over our shoulders.”
Sabin's admission sucks to hear. It's made all the more worse by the truth that sits heavy in every syllable. He's told me not to take on guilt that doesn't belong to me, but what do I do with the guilt that does?
“Sabin, how do I not feel guilty about that? I don’t want your life to become this unrecognizable thing that has you always on the run, always looking over your shoulder. Don’t you think you’ll eventually resent me for that? I don’t want to steal away everything you’ve always wanted. I’m not enough to fill the holes that would leave in who you are.”
