Page 52 of Searching for Beautiful
Looking at him, I realize I would.
He’s joking. I know it, but I can’t stop myself from looking at him seriously and saying, “I would. ” The nod he gives me says he knows what I mean. That he’s my friend, too.
“That’s what I like to hear. ”
I freeze when Christian’s hand reaches up and he cups my cheek. Briefly, I close my eyes, just savoring the feel of his skin against mine. He’s gentle. So, so gentle. I want to believe it’s not an act.
“I should go. ”
Christian nods and drops his hand, and I walk away.
…
When I get inside, Dad’s asleep on the couch. It’s not something I’ve seen a lot. Dad’s not the kind of guy for that. If he needs a nap, he goes to his room, and besides, he’s almost never home on a workday like this.
Glancing at my phone, I see that I don’t have much time before I need to meet Emery, so I head to my room to get ready. I change clothes before standing in front of my mirror to do my hair. As I brush through the red, I flash back to Dad on the couch. Wonder what he’s doing there. Maybe he’s sick? Has a headache… “Oh my God. ”
My brush hits the counter as I run down the stairs and into the living room. My heart beats like crazy as I go. My vision blurs with tears when I fall to the floor by him. “Daddy! Wake up. Please wake up!” My hands grab his shoulders and shake him. His eyes pop open, fear reflecting in them, and I bury my face in my hands and cry.
I’d fought with Mom. Didn’t worry about her headache, and then she died. She looked so normal when I found her. Like she was sleeping. Like Dad.
“Brynn? Honey, what’s wrong?” Dad jerks up into a sitting position.
“I thought you were dead. ” Nothing could have held back the words, even though I wish I could have. “I thought I was ignoring you while you were dying. ”
“Oh, dolcezza. No, baby girl. I’m okay. Just a little headache. It’s not the same thing as Mom. I promise. ” He climbs to the floor and pulls me to him. I let him pet my hair the way Mom would have. Listen to him shush me and call me his sweetheart.
I don’t know how long we sit like this. All I can think is I could have lost him. I could have stood in another room while he died just like Mom. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he asks a few minutes later.
“Yeah. ” My tears are drying and I feel stupid for them and want to cling to him, too, but instead I pull away.
“My sinuses were bothering me, so I came home early from work. I didn’t mean to scare you. Everything’s okay, though. You know that, right? I won’t leave you, Brynn. ”
I look down at him. See him as he still sits on the floor, and it’s so unlike my dad, but somehow like him, too. When he wants to, he can say the right thing. It’s just that he loved her so much, sometimes the right thing isn’t as important as she was.
“Thank you. I feel stupid. ” I close my eyes, wishing I could take back the last few minutes.
“How about we order a pizza tonight?” Dad stands. “Maybe rent a movie or something?”
“I can’t. I have plans. ” I look at him. If you ask me to, I’ll stay. I miss you.
“You’ve been hanging out with that neighbor boy quite a lot, Brynn. I don’t even know him. I’m not sure I like you hanging out with a boy I don’t know. ” He crosses his arms. Not angrily, but contemplatively.
“What are you talking about? We ride back and forth to school together and that’s all. We went to the center once, but you’re the one who makes me go there, so that’s not my fault. ”
Dad sighs. “I don’t want to fight with you. I’m trying here. I just think after everything, I’d like to get to know the people you’re hanging out with, that’s all. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. ”
My face feels hot; a mixture of embarrassment and anger. “After everything? You mean after I seduced Jason, right?”
“I didn’t say that. Stop putting words into my mouth, Brynn, or you won’t be going anywhere with him tonight. I have a right to know who you’re spending time with. ”
Maybe. But he also has the obligation to believe in me. It makes my chest ache that he doesn’t. “Mom would have trusted me. ” The way his face pales, I know I just hurt him. But I’m hurt, too. “I’m not even going anywhere with Christian. I’m hanging out with Emery. She’s a girl from the center you make me go to. I’ll be back in a couple hours. ” On the way out the door, I grab my purse.
Dad doesn’t try to stop me.
…
“The movie doesn’t start for an hour. Do you mind if we get some food? Eating for two, remember?” Emery points down at her stomach and smiles as I approach her. We decided to meet here to visit first, but hadn’t made specific plans on what we’d do. There are a few restaurants around us, so it makes sense to grab a bite.
