Page 51 of Searching for Beautiful
In my car on Friday after school, Christian’s in his own world in the passenger seat with his hood pulled over his head. I watch him pluck his jeans like they’re the strings on his guitar. His eyes are closed as he leans his head against the seat. His lips move like he’s singing a song. Little whispers come out of his mouth, but I can’t understand what he’s saying, so instead I watch his brown hair and see how it hangs around his face. I wonder what it would feel like between my fingers. What his little whispers would be like against my skin.
Emery was right. It’s not like I haven’t always known it, but Christian is gorgeous.
Beeeep!
“Crap!” I jerk the wheel to the left, embarrassed that I swerved into the other lane while watching him. I have no business looking at Christian like that.
“Spacing out, huh?” He chuckles and I know he knows what I was doing.
“Whatever. ”
“We’re back to that word again? I thought you could talk to me now, Bryntastic. ”
“I am talking. You’re just trying to embarrass me, and I won’t let you. ”
“You’re hot when you’re feisty. ” His voice is playful when he says it, but the words make me freeze again. Don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t do it. I used to love to joke around. I can’t let myself lose that part of me. So I make myself roll my eyes.
“Whatever,” I say again with a smile.
He doesn’t reply. In some ways, he’s so wide open. Like he doesn’t have a secret in the world and he will say anything. But in other ways, I’m not sure I ever really know what’s going on inside him. He’s good at staying quiet and losing himself in his head. He wasn’t like that when we were younger. He was loud, always talking and screwing around.
I wonder if that changed because of everything with his parents. Because of things with his sister.
It’s only a minute later that I pull into my driveway. Dad’s car is in there, which surprises me. He’s not usually back this early.
“We’re home,” I say before realizing it’s stupid. Of course we’re home. Christian lives here. I’m pretty sure he recognizes the place.
“That we are. ” He winks at me before getting out of the car. I take a deep breath and then do the same. My eyes dart to Dad’s car next to mine in the driveway before I look at Christian. He’s leaning with his arms on the top of my little Toyota.
“What are you doing tonight?” he asks.
I can’t help but wonder why he wants to know. He hasn’t asked me anything like this before. Does he want to take me on a date? The thought makes nausea and excitement strum through me at the same time. But then, one date will lead to two. That’s when guys start wanting more.
But I have plans. I can’t believe I almost forgot I’m going out with Emery. It’s been so long since I had something to do.
“I thought maybe we could hang out. I could work on my music and you might be able to do your clay stuff, or something. ”
Oh. This has nothing to do with a date. Just the fact that he knows I’m all screwed up and can’t do my pottery. “Pottery,” I tell him.
Instead of replying, he says, “Hang out with me. ” There’s a huskiness in his words that sends me back to my previous thoughts. Could Christian, the boy I crushed on all those years ago, like me now? I don’t want it to happen. Can’t let it. The only boys I’ve ever even kissed besides a stupid game of spin the bottle were Ian and Jason. Ian never really cared about me, and Jason just wanted to use me. He saw a girl he could take advantage of.
Author: Nyrae Dawn
I will never be that girl again.
“I can’t…”
“Brynn. ”
“I’m hanging out with Emery. ” It was the first day we could plan after talking at the center last week.
“Cool. That’s good. She’s cool, but I think she’s a little loco, too. Not like Ellie and Diana, but really crazy in the head. ”
“Hey!” I wish for something to throw at him. “She is not. She’s nice. She’s my friend!”
The words just come out and I want to say them again. Because she is, I think. Emery is my friend. And I’m glad for it. Glad to have someone again whom I can call a friend.
Christian grins. “Would you defend me so strongly if someone called me crazy?”
