Page 49 of Searching for Beautiful
With that, someone calls her name again and she’s running away. “She loves this. ” Christian looks at her. “I think it’s a little crazy, but different strokes, I guess. ”
We both watch his mother help one of the teen guys hang something, and then she’s laughing with him. Her joy radiates all the way across the room. “It makes her feel good to help. Maybe like she can fix the past by making the present a better place. ”
Watching her, I think I might want that, too.
When Christian doesn’t speak, I risk a glance at him. His jaw is set tight, his eyes still plastered on his mom. Ugh. I shouldn’t have brought up their past.
“It’s bullshit. It wasn’t her fault. ”
I’m suddenly hoping Christian says more. Maybe if he talks, then I will. We can both unload our baggage together.
“What?” he asks. “You’re staring at me. ”
He’s right. I’m totally staring at him.
“Brynn!” Emery walks up to us. “Wow. Look at you, socializing and stuff. With someone other than me, that is. You brought your very own hottie. ” She looks at Christian, who seems to pull out of his trance. He looks at her like he thinks she might be a little crazy. Maybe he’s right.
“What? He’s not my hottie. ”
“But you admit I’m hot?” Christian asks.
My eyes go wide as I look back and forth between them. “What? That’s not… I…” What the heck do I even say? Christian’s hot. A girl would have to be blind not to see it, but I can’t tell him that. Can’t take that step that almost feels like…flirting. I also can’t say no, either.
“I think she’s going to self-combust,” Emery says.
Christian takes me in with his too-blue eyes. “It’s cool, Bryntastic. I think you’re hot, too. ”
He turns and walks away, leaving me battling the war going on inside between the parts of me that should tell him never to say something like that again…and the part that likes it.
…
“So what’s with you and the guy?” Emery asks as we take a seat in two of the chairs spread throughout the room. I’m not sure where Christian went, but I keep glancing around the room for him.
“Nothing. He’s my neighbor. ” He’s also the first boy I ever danced with. The first boy I ever thought I loved. Of course I know now that I didn’t but at the time it had felt real.
“I wish my neighbor was that hot. ”
I whip my head toward her. “Don’t you have a boyfriend?”
Her eyes dart around the room. “Shh! And no. I told you Max is my ex. You promised you wouldn’t mention him. ”
“I’m sorry. ” I have no right to care if she thinks Christian is hot, anyway.
“It’s okay. ” She’s quiet for a minute, but I can feel her eyes on me. Feel them probing me for answers, and I’m not sure if I like it or if it makes me want to run again.
“Something happened, didn’t it? With you and a guy. ”
Yes. Something did happen. My mom died and Dad got lost and I thought Jason loved me. I just wanted someone to love me again. “I don’t want to talk about it. ”
“Whatevs. It’s no big deal. ”
Earlier, I’d been looking for an opening with Christian, but here Emery is giving me one. As hard as it is, I know I need to take it. “I was pregnant, too… I lost my baby the day I found out everything my boyfriend ever told me was a lie. ”
Her eyes go wide. “Oh no. I’m so sorry. ” Absently she puts a hand on her stomach, as if to make sure her own baby is fine.
“I’m sorry about it all, too,” I whisper. There’s so much more I can say, but I don’t try to make the words come. Not today.
“Thanks for telling me. You’re actually pretty cool. ”
