Page 28 of Searching for Beautiful
No matter how small it is, it makes me smile.
Chapter Eighteen
Now
I decide to take Emery’s advice. I mean, for months I’ve been wishing I had friends to talk to, right? And now I kind of have Emery. If she had been Ellie or Diana, I would consider what they had to say, so I should do the same with her. Apologize to Christian. It shouldn’t be that hard.
Ha. Yeah, right.
On my way home, I stop by the store to grab some chocolate. I’m not a huge candy person but there are times in a girl’s life when we all need a little sugary energy.
I scan the candy aisle for a good three minutes before deciding on a king-size Twix. I’m going all-out today. Or stalling. There’s a possibility I’m doing that as well.
I’m almost to the end of the row when I spot the bag of gummy bears hanging from a peg. My hand lingers for a second before a voice in my head reminds me it’s a silly thing to stress over. If I’m going to apologize for being bitchy, there’s nothing wrong with getting him some gummy bears, too.
I’m able to go through the express line, so it takes no time at all to get through checkout. As I walk out the door, my eyes are glued onto my Twix wrapper as I try to open it. When a hand comes down on my shoulder, I jerk my head up.
“You should watch where you’re going, Red. You’ll run someone over. ”
My fingers fumble with the package in my hand, my stomach going sour as though I ate too much chocolate when I haven’t had any yet. “Don’t call me that, Jason. ”
I wait for him to try to stop me when I step around him, but he doesn’t.
“Sorry. Old habits die hard. ”
For some reason, his statement makes me stop.
“Go to the side of the building with me. I just want to talk. ”
Before the words leave his mouth, I’m already shaking my head. “No. ”
He steps toward the edge of the store, brushing my arm with his as he does. “I just wanna talk with you, real quick. No one has to know. You’re not scared to talk to me, are you?”
“No,” I snap.
Jason sighs. “I’m going over there. I hope you come, but I won’t wait long. ” And then he shrugs before walking down the sidewalk.
People move past me, in and out the door, as I watch Jason until he gets to the edge of the building. Watch him as he walks around the corner and out of sight. My hands tremble, but still I take a step forward, then another one.
I’m not stupid. In my head I know what’s going on here. A person can be smart enough to know when someone is playing her, but if your heart wants to believe it enough, that’s all that matters. Emotions are a powerful thing. Way stronger than knowledge or experience, because there’s always that hope. Hope that he’ll apologize and admit he lied. Hope that the warning in your head is wrong.
Hope is probably the most dangerous emotion we have.
Jason’s leaning against the wall toward the back of the building. I count my steps, forty-eight of them, until I stop in front of him.
“I miss you. ” He reaches out to touch my hair, but I jerk my head back.
“No, you don’t. ” Anger burns through me, singeing the palm of my hand, making me wish I had the courage to slap him. He’s a liar. Nothing out of his mouth is ever the truth. “You just called me—you were an asshole. And now you miss me?”
Jason’s arm falls to his side. He ignores my question. “Is your dad still freaking out about me? Does he still talk about me and stuff?”
“No. He’s over it. We’re both over it. We never even think about you. ”
Jason frowns at that. “Well, I think about you. ”
“Oh, God. ” I shake my head. “I can’t believe you just said that. ” How did I fall for him so easily before? I think it was hope again. Hope that what he said could be real and that he could love me. “You can’t trick my anymore. ”
He studies me for a second, chewing on his bottom lip. “That sounds like a challenge. ”
