Page 58 of Searching for Beautiful
“That’s good. I see you guys hang out here a lot. ”
“I missed having a friend. ”
“I think she’s a good one to have. Emery’s a special girl. You two can be there for each other. Everyone needs someone to lean on. Anything else?” she asks.
“I don’t know. ” I shrug. “I just feel more like me. Not perfect, but different than I did a few weeks ago. Christian and I are friends, too. I’ve also been talking to Brenda. And trying…just trying to be me. ”
Valerie leans forward. “No matter what happened, you’ve always been you. I’m glad you’re finding comfort in your new friends, though. What about your dad? How are things at home?”
A pain pierces me at that. I miss my dad so much. He’s there but…out of reach. Fear burns through me, making me scared I pushed him too far. That he really does wish they hadn’t adopted me. “It’s fine. ”
“Ah, there’s that word again. Most of the time when people say they’re fine, they’re really not. I see your dad is off topic for now but it can’t stay that way. You’ve made progress this week, so I’ll let it slide. ”
We talk a little bit about pottery after that. I don’t tell her I haven’t made anything, but I do share how much I love it. Valerie seems honestly interested in it, which is kind of cool.
Our session is over before I know it, so I go find Emery. We sit in our favorite corner at the center, people doing their thing all around us; chatting, playing video games, pool, and other games. Brenda has fluttered through a few times. She’s like this huge ball of energy, with a smile on her face.
My session with Valerie sticks in my mind. Her words about Emery specifically—about how we can be there for each other the way Diana, Ellie, and I used to be.
“You’re quiet. What’s up?” Emery asks.
I shrug, thinking about seeing her with Max and not sure if I should bring it up or not. But then, how many times had I wished someone would take the choice away from me and open the lines of communication? Maybe I need to do that here. “I saw Max at the movies…I know you said not to mention him, so I wasn’t sure what was going on with you guys. Or why you lied about him picking you up. ”
Emery groans. “I know what I’m doing. I’m not stupid. ” The anger in her voice pricks at me.
“I didn’t say you were. I don’t even know what happened,” I snap back.
She shakes her head before burying her face in her hands. It doesn’t seem like something Emery would do. “Ugh. I’m sorry,” she says into her hands.
“What’s the deal with him, Emery? Why did you tell me not to say anything about him?” I have no right to harass her like this. I didn’t tell about Jason.
Instead of replying, she says, “He’s the baby’s dad. He’s eighteen and of course wants nothing to do with us. I thought maybe… Does it make me sound horrible that I thought maybe if I was having a boy it would change his mind?”
“I don’t know,” I tell her and it’s true. Maybe that’s why my mom got rid of me. Maybe it was because her boyfriend wanted a boy, so she gave me up.
“That’s why I was kind of bummed when I found out she’s a girl. That probably makes me the worst mom ever. Not that I’m going to be her mom. ”
My lies about Jason shove their way in. How I told my friends I was the one who didn’t want them to meet him when it was really his choice. “It doesn’t make you a bad anything. Sometimes we all do or think crazy things. Maybe it just makes us human. ”
She nods and mumbles a thank-you before continuing. “Anyway, we got into a fight one time and…he hurt me, but it wasn’t really that big a deal. I egged him on. I was yelling at him and calling him names and he just snapped. That’s why I’m not supposed to be around him—”
“Emery—”
“He won’
t hurt me again. And I wouldn’t let him. I don’t even really spend time with him. I just wanted to tell him about the baby. That’s the only reason I got in touch with him the other day. He deserves to know that, right? I’m not sure why he showed up at the movies. It’s not like I invited him. ”
I can tell I’ve pissed her off, but still, I say, “You were texting him. ”
“Wow. Thanks for keeping such close tabs on me, Mom. ”
Her words almost feel like a slap. “I just don’t want anything to happen to you. ” Because something happened to me. Jason didn’t hit me, but he hurt my spirit. He didn’t want me or our baby and he lied to me.
Emery sighs and looks at me. “I know, and I’m sorry I freaked, okay? I promise I’m not doing anything stupid. I even told him at the movies that I don’t want to see him again. I haven’t texted him since. I’m not going to do something that will hurt the baby. ”
“Or you,” I tell her.
“Or me. ” This makes her smile. “Now what about you? I just told you something huge, Brynn. Now it’s your turn. This is a give-and-take friendship. ” She smiles. It’s almost impossible to be in a bad mood around Emery.
