Page 55 of Searching for Beautiful
“It’s cool. You can go. ”
“Okay. Thanks for hanging out. Maybe we can do it again sometime. ” I definitely want to.
“Absolutely. I would love that. ” Emery pulls me into a tight hug. “Thanks for coming. And for treating me normal. Most people just see the belly, ya know?”
“No problem. ” My car is parked at the far end of the lot. I’m all the way there before I realize I don’t have my purse.
When I was young, I forgot my Minnie Mouse purse in the theater. Mom told me I should always keep it on my lap because it was too easy to forget it on the floor. I always kept my purse with me after that. Fear climbs through me. First, the sound of her laugh, and now, the purse. I’m forgetting her, forgetting the lessons she taught me.
As I race back toward the theater, it’s Emery who pulls me out of my thoughts. I see her get into an old, beat-up car that’s painted as many different colors as her fingernails. The person behind the wheel definitely isn’t her foster mom. It’s a guy with a shaved head who can’t be much older than us. Ice slithers down my spine. She lied. The guy is Max, I know it.
But then, who am I to talk? I saw Jason and didn’t tell anyone. When he called, I pretended it didn’t happen. Emery has a right to see who she wants.
As I watch them pull away, I feel like I’m doing something wrong. That I’m somehow letting her down.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Before
“Sorry, Sam’s home today. I thought about rescheduling but I missed you. I figured we could hang out here for a few hours to have some time to ourselves. ” Jason kisses my forehead as we stand at the door to our hotel room.
“It’s okay. This is kind of cool anyway. ”
“Wait till you see the room. I wanted something special for you. ” He swipes the card. When the green light flashes, Jason opens the door and steps out of the way so I can go in.
And it’s gorgeous. There’s a plush king-size bed in the middle of the room. On the other side, there’s a hot tub by a huge window. The TV is mounted on the wall, smooth black accessories making the room look way more posh than anywhere I’ve ever stayed. “It’s incredible. ”
“Thanks, Red. ”
I kick out of my shoes and Jason does the same. We sit in the middle of the bed and talk about our favorite movies and about pottery. He listens when I talk about Mom, and asks about school and says how he misses it, now that he’s homeschooled.
After a while, Jason orders food and we continue to sit right there in the bed eating it. “How did you afford this, Jason? I feel bad. It had to have cost a lot. ”
“I have enough money. And hey, it’s not like I have a whole bunch of other things to spend it on. ”
Which I get. Ian was the same way when he got his job. His parents paid for his car and gas so he always had cash.
Once we’re done eating, Jason asks, “Do you wanna get in the hot tub?”
“I don’t have a suit,” I say but then add, “Though I guess I could go in my bra and panties. It’s just like a bikini. ” Nerves tickle my insides but I ignore them. Girls do stuff like this all the time. Ellie, Diana, and I went in our bras and panties when we sneaked out to the lake with Ian, Todd, and Kevin one night. We just made the boys turn around and not look until we were in the water.
But then we’re not at the lake, we’re in a hotel room. It makes things more intimate. I love Jason and I definitely want to lose my virginity to him. Today might be the day, but then it might not, too. I’m just not totally sure.
“Absolutely. Hell, I’ve seen bra and panties that cover more than a swimsuit does. It’s not a big deal. ”
Standing, I keep my eyes on Jason as he does the same. He pulls off his shirt and drops it on the floor. My instinct is to turn away but again, he’s my boyfriend. I shouldn’t be embarrassed to see him with his shirt off. But then… I’m not embarrassed anymore. My eyes take in each of his muscles, before landing on his collarbone. I have no idea why I focus there but I do, before my vision travels up to his messy hair that looks like he’s run his hands through it a million times.
My heart is beating a million miles an hour thinking of taking mine off in front of him, though. After taking a few deep breaths, I make myself do it. My cheeks are burning, but Jason’s words help wipe it away when he says, “You’re so beautiful, Red. ”
Ian never called me beautiful. “Thanks. ”
Jason takes off his pants and then walks over to the Jacuzzi in his boxers. Ignoring my threatening heart attack, I take mine off with shaky fingers. After laying them on the chair, I walk over to him.
“Go ahead and get in. I’ll grab some towels and stuff. ”
I scramble into the water, hoping it somehow hides me and takes away some of the embarrassment. A minute later, Jason returns. He sets two towels beside us but climbs in with something in his hand.
“I wanna show you something. ” He scoots over beside me and shows me an iPod. On the screen it says, “Brynn’s Playlist. ”
