Page 19 of Searching for Beautiful
I can’t imagine what that feels like. To be loved by a boy with the devotion that he loved her.
“Ugh!” I punch a couch pillow a couple times before throwing it to the floor. I’m driving myself crazy. Mom wouldn’t have folded as easily as I am. As easily as Dad is, because though he’s still here and hasn’t done anything as stupid as I did, I’m pretty sure he’s broken now, too.
Glancing at the clock, I see it’s about five. I know Dad will be home soon and I also know I’m supposed to be at the stupid community center today. A teen outreach program. When did that ever become me? I was the normal girl, the happy one with the awesome parents. I’m not supposed to need any kind of outreach.
But I do.
I kick off my slippers and push my feet into my shoes. It’s a quick drive to the community center. The whole time, m
y stomach hurts. I wish I was one of those girls who could just say screw it. That I was tough and didn’t give a crap about anyone or what they thought. That I could say no without worrying about getting in trouble over it, but I’m not that girl.
I’m not saying I’m perfect, but I’m definitely not used to getting into trouble, either. The only time I did what I wanted was with Jason, and look how that turned out.
I bite my fingernails as I walk in the door. It’s a huge room with a few people my age in it. There are chairs around the walls and a few long tables. A couch and TV. Even a pool table and air hockey.
I see a couple hallways and rooms. Posters and pictures of kids I assume come here are plastered to the wall.
It’s strange, coming to a place like this.
The door pushes open behind me and I have to move out of the way so I don’t get hit. It’s a boy, and he doesn’t pay any attention to me as he walks inside, bumps fists with another guy, and they lean on the pool table talking.
“Hi. I’m Valerie. Can I help you?” an older woman asks. She has thin lips and a pointed nose—features that don’t make her look too friendly.
This is who I’m supposed to talk to, so I say, “Umm, yeah. I’m Brynn. I was told to ask for you. ”
“Oh, yes. We’re so glad you could come, Miss De Luca. ” She launches into a whole story that I only partially listen to. Something about activities and counselors for people who want to talk, classes, yada yada, but she doesn’t seem to need my input so I don’t give it and hardly listen.
Something catches my eye and I look to the left to see what it is. My heart stutters. Christian Medina is here. It didn’t even occur to me that I might run into someone from school.
His hair is half in his face as he walks, not as though he’s trying to hide behind it, but just because it’s him and he doesn’t care about anything else.
A little pinch of jealousy squeezes inside me.
Valerie is still talking, but for some reason I’m watching him.
A man steps up to him, and I hear him say something about their appointment before they start to walk away. As soon as he gets to a door, he looks up. Our eyes catch for a second and he gives me a small nod, but he doesn’t stop. Christian keeps going, following the guy and closing the door behind him.
Obviously not realizing I’m wondering about Christian, Valerie points to where he just disappeared. “Those are the counseling rooms. I’m going to ask you to meet with me there once a week. We’ll pick a time together. ”
Any other moment, I’d struggle not to roll my eyes at what she said—at the fact that she wants me to talk to her once a week as though that will help. But right now all I can think about is the fact that Christian is going into those rooms. Someone thinks he needs counseling, too. My mind won’t stop wondering why.
…
“Excuse me. ” A girl with short black hair steps up next to me, reaching for a plastic cup and the water dispenser. With how close I’m sitting to it, I suddenly feel like I look as though I’m trying to guard the thing. Music fills the room, but it’s not too loud. Valerie finished showing me around and told me she wants me to just relax and make myself at home today. I guess the talking comes later.
Scooting out of the girl’s way, I lean against the wall. She has piercings up and down her ears. Her hair is almost cut like a boy’s and it’s messy, but not unkempt if that makes sense. It looks like she wants it like that. Her eyes are colored with a bright-purple eye shadow that I’m not sure I could ever pull off.
Her clothes are huge, but again, I think she wants the look. She’s wearing a big jacket and baggy pants.
“I’m Emery, by the way. ” She waves at me before filling her plastic cup with water. “This your first time here?”
She’s the only person besides Valerie to actually approach me since I arrived. “Yeah. I don’t go here. ” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I feel like a jerk. Like I think coming here is bad or something. It’s not. It’s just not somewhere I ever saw myself needing to be.
Author: Nyrae Dawn
Emery holds out her hand. “What’s your name?”
“Brynn. ” I shake her hand.
