Page 90 of Resilience

I’m sure you already noticed that I’m not around. And by the time you read this, I’ll be out of the country for sure. (How could you leave me!?)I’m sorry I left like this, but it was necessary. Something came up… something important, very important. And I must deal with this on my own.(What came up? Who or what could have been more important for you to call it quits and give up on us so easily? Why wouldn’t you tell me this!?)This is for the best. I hate goodbyes and I’d also hate to see the disappointment on your face.(There’s no disappointment, only suffering.)I’d rather keep the sweet memory of you, sleeping on my bed. (By the way, I took a photo… What!? You know I have a stalker side.)(Yes… I know.)

I wish you a wonderful life, full of joy, just like I always pictured for you. I hope you find a man who loves you as much as I do.(NEVER.)And perhaps you will remember me as Bruno, and not your torturer. I know I will always remember you as Sarah, the love of my life.(…)

You made my heart tick again. You and your blue eyes will always rule over my body and soul. Never forget that.(You made me feel again.)

Don’t try to follow me, don’t do anything reckless. This is your chance to really start over, without any past burdens.(There’s no life without you.)

On the back of this letter, you’ll find your new bank account number, where I have deposited some money. That’s from me to you. Use it however you see fit, please.(I don’t want to.)

My house is yours to keep. You can sell it if you want to.

Every time a new dawn breaks, I will think of you.

Always yours,

Bruno.

How did I miss this? My imagined conversation with Bruno allows me to realize something. He changed me for good. Thanks to him, I’m at peace with both my body and soul. I’m a person who never quits.

A fearless woman.

I feel alive.

I’m resilient.

I stand from the floor and walk towards the bathroom. I splash cold water over my face, I wash it clean. I make my mind clear and my face free of tears. I hold my hair tight above my head while I build a fortress inside my head.

I’m ready.

In a relationship, both members make the decisions, not just one. You made the wrong choice on my behalf. I will make sure you see that. I’m taking control and responsibility for my actions. From now on, I will be relentless and strong. I’ve gotta be. For Bruno, for these feelings, I will never have towards someone else again.

This little project called ‘Sarah 2.0’ just kicked in, and by God, it’s an unstoppable machine.

This is what freedom looks like.

This strength comes from my rebirth without the need to fit in with this wretched society that tries to control you through fear and despair. I’m determined and focused on one thing only.

Goddammit! Having control over oneself is fucking powerful, and it kicks harder than a mule.

I’m not giving up on you, Bruno. I will find you, no matter how long it takes. I will stop at nothing. It’s worth it, you are worth it. I’m not gonna let you ruin what we have!

I thought everything began and ended with Bruno. Oh boy, I’ve never been so wrong in my entire life. Everything begins now, with me in control for the first time ever. It’s high time a woman took charge.

Things are going to change for good.

I take Bruno’s letter and slam it on the table. I grab a red Sharpie and write on top of his handwriting.

I’m on my way.