Page 33 of Porter (Dirty Misfits MC 2)
He blinked. “You were what?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Where were you six years ago, before you went to prison, and I was in the hospital? I called and left three voice messages. I’d been in a car accident and they had to rush me to the E.R. I stayed in that place, alone, for an entire fucking week. So, where were you, protective big brother?”
He swallowed hard. “You were—what happened? Were you injured?”
I threw my hands into the air. “Of course, I was injured! I almost died, Brooks! And you didn’t even have the balls to come visit me. Hell, I don’t even know if you listened to my voice messages. For all I know, you just deleted them when you saw they were from me! Oh, and my celebratory party for nailing that voice-over job in the Pixar movie two months before you went to prison. Where were you for that? I sent you two invites and texted you about it on four separate occasions. You too busy doing other shit to be a big brother?”
Porter put his hand on my shoulder. “I think he’s got the point.”
I shrugged off his touch. “After all the emptiness and all of the abandonment I’ve endured my entire life, I deserve the ability to say my peace. Got it?”
I peeked over my shoulder and saw Porter nod before I stared back up at Brooks. “You left me to take care of Mom so you could run around with some stupid motorcycle club that’s clearly trying to get you killed. And you didn’t even attend her fucking funeral. Your own mother’s funeral, you asshat. The one I paid for out of pocket because you weren’t around to help. The one I worked three jobs just to pay down the debt because you were MIA and completely off the grid. And now, you want to be angry and play the big brother when you find out your best friend’s screwing around with me? That’s when you finally want to step up? After everything I’ve endured alone because of a brother that doesn’t give two shits about me, and you only hop in when your best friend is involved? You know what that shows me?”
Porter murmured. “Don’t say it, Astrid.”
I closed the distance between my brother and I. “It shows me that you only care when your actual family is involved. Not the family you abandoned in order to fill the void of pain you stuck me with after you left because you’re no better than Dad.”
It felt like the entire world stilled. It felt as if everything had come to such a careening halt that the world itself stopped turning. An angry sickness washed over me, taunting me with all sorts of things I wanted to do.
Slap him again.
Kick him in the shins.
Tell him how much you enjoyed fucking his best friend.
“Well!? You got anything to add!?” I exclaimed.
Brooks sighed. “I was only trying to keep you safe and out of this life.”
I snickered. “A life you willingly brought into our family by pledging yourself to it. That’s rich, Brooks. That’s really rich.”
He shook his head. “You were really in the hospital?”
I threw my hands into the air. “All you’ve done our entire lives is push me away and make me feel like shit. All you’ve done is shown me, time and time again, that I’m not important to you. That I’m nothing but an afterthought. That even in the midst of something as terrible as a car accident that almost killed me, you believe you’ve got better things to do. Well, let me tell you about your best friend, Brooks. Let me tell you how alive he made me feel. How beautiful and cherished he made me feel. How important and seen and heard he made me feel. Let me tell you how wonderful it is to stand at his side and know I’m worth something. Let me tell you how amazing it is to laugh with him and feel so carefree that, for once, I’m not looking to run. I’m not looking to hide. I’m not looking to fill the void with empty sex and useless paychecks. Because that’s what he gave me. That’s what he still gives me. And if you don’t like something that makes me feel so good and so loved and so amazing inside, then you’re nothing but a succubus. And I want nothing to do with you ever again, if that’s the case.”
Angry tears streaked my cheeks. My knees quivered with a want to collapse. I held myself firm, though. I stood strong and held my head high all by myself like I had done for all of my days. Then, something wonderful happened. Something so amazing and so thrilling that the only word I have for it is “perfection.”
