Page 24 of Brooks (Dirty Misfits MC 1)
One part of me, dedicated to my late husband.
And the other part of me, dedicated to a man I never stopped loving.
“I’m such a shitty human being,” I said breathlessly.
I squeezed my eyes shut and blocked out the distressed hardwood floors. Gone were the tan-colored walls and blasé decorations, and instead found myself on a private Caribbean island. With the sun hanging high in the sky and the crystal-clear water lapping at my feet, I forced myself to be somewhere better than this.
Somewhere more relaxing than this.
Somewhere more amazing than this.
I wonder if he ever felt the same way.
My eyes flew open the second my mind turned on me. I rolled over onto my stomach, burying my face into the musty pillow. I sighed heavily and let the cotton pillowcase soak up the rest of my tears, then I turned over onto my back.
Planting myself in the middle of the bed as I stared up at the popcorn ceiling.
“So outdated,” I murmured.
My mind didn’t stop, though. Even though I wanted it to forget everything, it kept coming back around. I found myself wondering if that was the reason Brooks suddenly stepped away from me. Did he have feelings for me, too? Was he experiencing the same guilt I felt every time I thought about him?
Was I reading too much into all this shit?
Probably the last one.
I groaned and reached for a pillow before pressing it against my face. I shrieked, letting out all of my emotions in one big, bombastic war cry that made my throat hoarse. I screamed until I had no more voice to scream with. I screamed until I started coughing, and I didn’t stop screaming until the coughing gave way to gagging.
How the hell had I gotten dragged back into this life so quickly?
Maybe you should go get him if you don’t want to be alone.
The thought gave me pause. I let the pillow slip away from my face as I turned the idea over in my mind. If I went to get Brooks, would he come back? Would he keep me company? Would he wrap me up in his arms and hug me until I stopped crying like Gage always did?
Gage.
The guilt returned in a never-ending waterfall that threatened to take me to my knees. I turned over onto my side and curled up into a ball, trying my best not to look as weak as I felt. While I wasn't sure I wanted to be alone right now, I also wasn’t sure that Brooks was the best candidate for keeping me company. And I wasn’t anywhere near as close to the other guys to ask any one of them to come keep me company. The closest was probably Porter, but even then I only ever saw him during club activities I tagged along to.
Brooks was the only other person of this club—other than Gage—that I saw recreationally, club or no club.
No, I need to be alone right now.
With that deciding voice in my head, I kicked my flats off. I slid beneath the quilted blanket and settled in for an early night, even though my stomach growled for food. I couldn't stomach the idea of eating. I knew it’d make me sick anyway, with all of these emotions and ideas and thoughts rushing about. So, I let my eyes fall closed so sleep could quickly take me under.
And I found a familiar scene as the darkness swallowed me whole.
“Mind if I take a seat?”
I looked up at the person who owned the suave tenor voice that just hit my ears and found the most amazing pair of hazel eyes staring back at me. They were attached to a clean-shaven face and a jawline that could cut glass. But it was the broad shoulders and big arms that did it for me. The muscles on the man staring down at me made me lick my lips. I almost didn’t see the brown-eyed, bearded man standing just behind him.
But I saw him as well.
And damn it, the two of them were hot as hell.
“Sure, you both can for all I care,” I said.
Hazel Eyes grinned. “The name’s Gage. And you are?”
I held out my hand to usher them to sit. “Raven. It’s nice to meet you.”
Gage sat down and Brown Eyes made him scoot over. “I’m Brooks.”
I shook both of their hands. “Gage and Brooks. Got it.”
Gage laid on a suave smile. “So, what brings a beautiful woman like you into a dive bar like this in the middle of the day?”
I blinked. “The wings?”
Brooks narrowed his eyes. “You in some sort of trouble?”
My eyes turned to the brown-eyed man who just read me like a book. “Actually, a bit. My car broke down on the road and I had just enough velocity to get myself into the parking lot. Figured I’d come in and sit down while my tow truck arrived.”
