Page 160 of Just for the Cameras
“I could say the same about you.”
Now it’s my turn to shake my head. “No, it’s all darkness and shadows inside this hollow chest.”
Her brow creases. “How can you possibly say that after everything you’ve done for me?”
“I did those things because I liked you. If you recall, I was a dick at the beginning.”
“Yes, but there was always a heart inside your chest. You took care of me when you didn’t need to. You’ve spent your little free time driving me around, making my apartment more comfortable, and helping me spread awareness about the flamingos. You have a brilliantly beautiful heart.”
“Once again, I did those things because it was brought upon me and because I liked you.”
“I don’t believe it. What about that boy who came up to you when we got tacos? You made his year.” Her hands slide up to my neck, locking me in place. “Please don’t say you’re dark and hollow inside because I see so much more than that.”
I rub my lips together, her eyes boring into me, making me feel this overbearing need to share. To open up. But such a concept is so foreignto me. I don’t talk about my feelings. Never have since the moment my mom had her accident. I did what my dad told me to do. I bottled them up, pushed them down, and forgot about them.
And with every day that passed, I grew more and more angry and less and less vulnerable, and before I knew it, I was going through the motions of life, moving toward one goal and one goal only: playing football.
And now that I’m here, several years in, I’ve become completely numb to the world.
At least I thought I was until Maple came into my life.
She started calling me out on my bullshit and challenging me. She made me care for something again, something new in my life, and she opened my eyes to see the moving world around me, rather than the stagnant rut I’ve been living in.
“Are you listening to me?”
I nod, my head tilting down.
“Tell me you believe me.”
“Hard to when I know the person I’ve been for over fourteen years. When I know the person I grew up with tainted me.”
She pauses and then softly says, “Are you talking about your dad?”
“Yeah. It was a lot, growing up with him as my dad, with him consistently damaging what little positivity I had left in me. I know the darkness he’s put inside me. I know the shadows I possess, Maple. And it only gets worse when he’s around.”
“But you are not that person. I’ve seen the man you truly are, Graydon.”
“You see someone different from who I’m used to being, and I think it’s because you brought it out of me, not because it’s the person I actually am.”
“You wouldn’t just change like that,” she says. “You were always this person. You were just hiding it.” She lightly presses her lips to mine, and I groan as I deepen the kiss.
I might not be the person she perceives me to be, but if being thatperson means I get to indulge in her, get lost in the feel of her arms and her mouth, then I will do everything to try to be that person.
Because I don’t want to lose this.
Not when I’ve finally found an ounce of joy in my pain-ridden life.
I’m going to be a selfish fuck and cling to this for as long as I can.
“Here, add what you need.” Maple hands me her phone as she makes herself comfortable on my lap, where I’m sitting on the couch.
I glance at the DoorDash order on her phone and scowl. “What the hell is this?”
“An order from a store. Figured you’d need a toothbrush since I’ve claimed you for the night. Oh, and you might want to add a shirt in there because I’m keeping this one.”
I shake my head and set her phone down before picking up mine.
“What are you doing? Do you not want to stay here?”
