Page 261 of Just for the Cameras
“She cracking your shield?”
“She already cracked it. I’m attempting to patch it up and doing a shitty job.”
“Have you texted her back?”
I shake my head. “No. If I do, I know I won’t be able to stop.”
“I don’t know, man. The pain I see in your face, maybe you should just give in. Not sure what the purpose of all of this is at this point. She’s not going to stop, and you’re only hurting yourself.”
Yeah, I know.
But I’m…fuck, I’m scared. The moment I give in, I know that’s going to be it. I’m going to be all in, and she’s going to be exposed to all of it. And I know she’s strong, but is she really that strong?
What happens when I go on away trips?
What happens when people start accusing me of cheating? Because social media is just that cruel.
There are so many unknowns that I just don’t know how to handle, and for the life of me, I wish my mom was here to help me.
I wish she could give me some solid advice, anything to help me decide what the fuck to do.
“For what it’s worth, not that my opinion matters, but I think you need to give in. Why deny yourself something wonderful like love inyour life? Fighting alongside her is going to be so much better than fighting againsther.”
He keeps his eyes on the TV and takes another bite of his pizza, and honestly, color me shocked because that’s the kind of advice I would hear from Bennett, but it came from—
“Dude, come on, that was some good shit, something you would find on a T-shirt. You have to give me credit.”
Annnnnnd…there he is.
Grumbling, I say, “Don’t call me ‘dude.’”
Maple:I haven’t heard from you all week and I’m starting to think that maybe…maybe my love isn’t enough. I don’t want to think that way, Graydon, I want to believe that you can trust me, that you can understand where I’m coming from, that you can believe in the bond we have, but as the silence grows between the two of us, I’m wondering if I’m pushing you in a direction you just don’t want to go. I don’t know how to handle this and I thought that maybe I could fix this, but I’m wondering if this isn’t mine to fix, that maybe this is for you to figure out. So I’m putting it in your hands, Graydon. If you want me, then you know where to find me. Please know, this is not me abandoning you, or giving up on us, I’m just giving you the option to decide what you want, without pushing you. I love you, always will.
Fuck.
I drag my hand over my face and set my phone down, her words ringing through my head over and over again like a siren, warning me that I’m going to lose her.
Isn’t that what I want, though?
To set her free?
For her to finally give in and let go?
I lean back on my couch, my mind racing.
Honestly, I don’t know what the fuck I want anymore, but the thought of her not saying those words to me anymore…I love you…hell, that makes me feel so much lonelier than I’ve ever felt before.
Graydon:Did you see they took away my dad’s stadium privileges? And Coach Keenan is on probation? If the team doesn’t start winning, he’s fired.
Gretchen:I did. See what happens when you trust me?
Graydon:You sound just like OC, gloating.
Gretchen:Please don’t compare me to that shoelace.
Graydon:Shoelace. LOL. Why is that the perfect description for him?
Gretchen:Because it is. Okay, everything is set for tomorrow. I have Maple hooked up with her field passes and seats. After the game, you have to go up to her so we can get the shot we need for socials. But don’t answer questions. Got it?
