Page 258 of Just for the Cameras
Because I’m weak where she’s concerned.
Because I have zero control.
Because I’m a goddamn moron.
Here I am, trying to push her away, trying to put distance between us because that fuck at the zoo was right, all I am is a burden to her, and then I go and fuck her in my kitchen.
There is something seriously wrong with me.
After a few minutes, she pops out of the bathroom and heads over to the garage door, where she slips her shoes on. She gathers her things, then walks up to me.
I keep my eyes focused on the ground because I can’t look at her.
I can’t face her after what I just did.
Her hand lands on my chest, and she quietly says, “Push me away all you want, but it won’t negate the fact that I know how you truly feel about me, Graydon. I know deep in my soul that you love me just as much as I love you.”
My entire chest seizes from those three words.
“Yes, I said ‘love’ because I’m not afraid to say it, and I’m not afraid to claim it. I love you, and I will spend every moment I have proving thatto you. Proving to you that this is where I want to be. I will not abandon you, I will not leave you. You are who I want to be with, and I don’t care about anything else that comes along with it because the only thing I care about…is you.” She pats my chest and then loops her hand around my neck, tugging me down to her lips, where she softly kisses me for no more than a second, pulling away before I can even get a good taste.
When she moves away, this sense of loss falls over me, guilt pulses through me, and for a brief second, I consider grabbing her arm, pulling her into my chest, and telling her that I love her too.
But I don’t move.
Instead, I watch her walk out the front door, taking my heart along with her.
“I’m glad you called,” OC says as he walks into my place and hands me a pack of beer—nonalcoholic. “It’s all I had in my pantry. I bought it by mistake at the store.” He shrugs and then takes a seat in the living room, where Bennett is already sitting.
I stare down at the piss in a bottle and leave it at the front door. I won’t be opening those.
I take a seat on the couch in the living room, and I let out a deep breath.
After a few seconds of silence, I say, “I ended things with Maple.” OC gasps loudly, clutching his chest. “Or at least I think I did.”
“What do you mean you think you did?” Bennett asks in a rational tone.
“No, more importantly, why the hell would you break up with her?” OC asks.
“Yeah, that’s a good question too.”
I sink into the couch and feel all of the emotion spill from me as I say, “Because I was trying to save her the trouble of being with me.”
They pause and exchange looks before Bennett says, “But isn’t that something for her to decide?”
“She would never break up with me over it. She would endure the burden until it broke her. She knows too much about me. She’s seen too much about my personal life. I know her at this point.” I drag my hand over my face. “The only problem is, when I went to break up with her, she wouldn’t let me. Instead, I fucked her on the counter, she told me she loved me, and then she left.”
OC’s mouth falls open while Bennett shifts in his chair, looking uncomfortable.
“You fucked her on the counter?” OC glances at my kitchen. “How?”
“Dude.” Bennett smacks OC across the arm.
“Ow, that hurt.” He rubs his bicep.
“You get run over by hockey players for a living, and that hurt you?”
“Does it look like I’m wearing pads right now?”
