Page 181 of Right Man, Right Time
“What’s going on in your head?” I ask him.
When his eyes meet mine, he says, “This might not be what you want to hear, but . . . what a bitch. Does she realize she’ll never find another man with a Jacob’s ladder piercing? All I can think is big mistake . . . huge.”
What a fucking idiot, but it makes me laugh.
I grip my water and say, “I think you’re right, Posey.”
“I know I’m right. Not many men are man enough to get that done. She’ll regret it.”
“What thoughtful insight,” Pacey says with a hint of sarcasm. He then turns toward me and says, “How are you dealing with getting that off your chest?”
“Seems to get a touch easier every time I say it.” I lean in a little closer so I don’t have to project my voice. “I think I kept it in for so long because it was embarrassing. Like . . . I wasn’t man enough to keep Sarah happy, and she had to go somewhere else to find that happiness.”
“That’s not on you,” Holmes says. “That’s on her.”
“Was it, though?” I ask. “I know I tried a lot with her, but the season’s strain wore on us year after year. If I supported her, maybe she wouldn’t have strayed.”
“Dude, you were a good boyfriend to her,” Pacey says. “You put in the effort, she didn’t, and I’m not just saying that. I’d tell you the truth if I thought you were at fault. But you weren’t. What Holmes says is right. That was on her, not you.”
“And now she’ll regret it,” Posey says, tapping his nose and winking at me.
Sometimes I wonder why we’re friends with him.
“I think accepting that truth will take me a moment, as well as learning to trust again.”
“Trust is hard,” Holmes says. “Trusting anything, even life.” Quietly he adds, “Not wanting to lose what’s close to you again. It’s tough.”
I know he’s referencing losing his brother, and it’s one of the first times I’ve heard him say anything like that. He normally keeps quiet, especially regarding his brother, which makes me wonder why he’s offering a slight glimpse into that part of his life.
“It is,” I say. “But Ollie is helping me with that trust. She’s patient and understanding. She knows all about Sarah, and she’s reassured me that she would never treat me the way Sarah did. I don’t know, with Ollie, I just feel lighter, more put together, like the worst is over, and now I’m starting to head out of the other end of the dark tunnel.”
“She seems legit,” Posey says. “When she defended you in the bar in front of Sarah, I almost kissed her on the lips I was so pleased.”
“Dude, no,” I say. “Don’t even think about kissing her.”
“I’d never do it.” Posey rolls his eyes. “I was just full of glee that I thought of kissing her.”
“Full of glee?” Pacey asks.
“Yeah, you should know that emotion. You were a gleeful fuck when you first met Winnie. Remember how he slunk around the cabin, chasing after her?” Posey says.
“I did not chase after her.”
We all scoff at that because Pacey was immediately infatuated. None of us were even allowed to consider looking at Winnie.
“I might have followed her, but I didn’t chase,” Pacey clarifies.
“That sounds better,” I say.
“I’m glad she’s everything you’re looking for,” Holmes says to me. “Ollie seems pretty cool.”
“She is,” I say, a smile coming to my face as I think about her.
The last few weeks have felt like a whirlwind, and in some way, we’ve been able to build a foundation together. A foundation of appreciation and friendship. And from there, it’s grown. It’s grown into something I never thought I’d feel again—love for a woman. But even at that, I think the love I have for Ollie is greater and more meaningful than anything I ever had with Sarah. Experiencing both relationships, I can easily say that.
I think Sarah always had one foot out the door, whereas Ollie truly cherishes me. She appreciates me. And she wants me for me, not for the wealth and assets. Sarah, especially later in our relationship, rarely...lovedon me. It’s completely different with Ollie. And I can’t see her changing because she’s truthful to her core. Sarah isn’t, and I know that now. I can see more clearly how selfish she actually was. Everything is different with Ollie.
The feeling I have when she looks at me.
