Page 142 of Right Man, Right Time
“Are you afraid you’re going to be judged?” Pacey asks.
“Maybe. I also don’t want to revisit it. I mean, fuck, Pacey, I was going to propose to her.”
“I know, man,” he says. “But it might be good to get it off your chest.”
“Have you told Ollie everything that happened?” Winnie asks.
I shake my head. “I haven’t told anyone.”
“Maybe you should tell her,” Winnie suggests.
“That would mean that I’m committing myself to her.”
“Isn’t that what you want?” Pacey asks.
“I mean, I want her, but I . . .” I swallow hard. “I just don’t think I’m good enough. I don’t think I’ll be what she needs. And then what? I end up in the same position I’m in now? And she’s going places. She has a future in front of her. I’m not going to thwart that with the restrictions of hockey life.”
“Who says it needs to be thwarted?” Winnie asks. “I do my own thing, and I’m still able to be with Pacey and work on our relationship. We might have ups and downs, but we still make time for each other. Our schedule might revolve around hockey, but our life doesn’t.”
“I don’t know . . .”
“Let me ask you this,” Pacey says. “How would you feel if you called her up tonight and ended things with her? Just called it all off.”
I consider the idea. No more visits to her dorm. No more teasing. No more of her sweet, mind-melting kisses. No more witty text messages.
“Like shit,” I answer.
“Then there’s your answer. You might be scared, doubtful, and not ready, but you’re also not ready to let her go. What’s going to be more fulfilling? Navigating through a new relationship together? Or suffering apart?”
He makes sense. I’d rather be with her.
“But what happens when I tell her about Sarah, and she doesn’t want to be with me? I don’t think I could take it.”
“That’s not going to happen,” Winnie says.
“How do you know?” I ask.
“Because I’ve seen the way she looks at you. I saw how she reacted when you kissed her outside the locker room. I’m honestly shocked that you said you’ve been faking it because nothing about her reactions around you is fake. That girl likes you . . . a lot, Silas, and I think she’s ready to be there for you in any capacity. She’s not going to scare easily.”
“You really think so?” I ask, feeling so insecure that I actually hate myself for it.
“Yes, I really think so,” she answers, then leans forward and places her hand on my knee. “You’re a good man, Silas. A caring, thoughtful, protective, loyal man and you shouldn’t be living in Sarah’s shadow any longer. Don’t let her take away a good thing in your life. Because if you don’t go after Ollie . . . Sarah wins.”
ChapterNineteen
OLLIE
“What do you think? Please don’t lie to me,” I say to Ross as we hang out in the hotel we’re staying in for the weekend. One of the companies Ross worked with closely over the summer gave him a free staycation trip. So we’re staying in a very fancy hotel in Vancouver for the weekend.
“I think Roberts is going to hate them all.”
“Ugh,” I groan. “But I need to turn in something to him this weekend. I’m already behind.”
“Maybe because you’ve been consumed with sticking your tongue down a certain hockey player’s throat instead of asking him questions.”
“Can you even blame me?”
“No.” Ross shakes his head. “I really can’t.”
