Page 173 of Royally Not Ready
“Ottar will escort you back to your room and take away your security passes until further notice.”
“I understand,” I say as I go to stand.
“Have you been dismissed?” Theo asks in his commanding voice that I’ve only heard a few times in my life. Theo’s usually a jolly man with a smile that stretches to his ears, so you don’t see this side of him very often.
“No, sir.” I sit back down.
“Now, on a personal note...” He pauses and leans slightly forward in his chair. “What the fuck were you thinking?”
Color me shocked because I’m not sure I’ve ever heard Theo speak like that before.
“You told me you loved Lilija. Was that a lie?”
“No.” I swallow hard, sweat forming on my lower back. “That wasn’t a lie; that was God’s honest truth.”
“I see, and what does love mean to you, Keller? Is it something to be toyed with? Something to be tossed around without a care?”
“No, sir.”
“Or is it to be cherished, protected, and nurtured with the utmost care?”
“Protected.”
“So, why the hell have you been freaking out since you arrived at Strombly with her? I see how she looks at you,andhow you can make her happy or break her heart. She’s infatuated with you, and yet, you’re acting like a fool. Tell me, where did you learn this type of behavior? It surely wasn’t from your parents, who had a beautiful, loving relationship, and it wasn’t from Katla or me, who pride ourselves on the devoted bond we have with each other. So, where is this coming from?”
I rest my hands on my lap and quietly say, “Fear.”
“Fear of losing?” he asks, his voice softer.
I nod and lift my eyes to his as they brim with tears. “I love her so fucking much,” I say. “And since I’ve gotten here, I just... I fear what people might have said about me being with her. I fear that their opinions might encroach on her thoughts of me. I fear that she could get hurt and see that I’m not the man she deserves. I fear that I’m just not good enough, and all those fears lead to one thing. Losing her. And... I can’t fucking lose her.”
“But don’t you understand you’ve lost her by pushing her away? By not being honest? By letting outside factors hinder the bond you two share?”
“I do now,” I say.
“I thought we’d taught you better than that, Keller. Fear doesn’t determine your future. Fear is what holds you back. I hate to say it, my son, but you’ve taken the coward’s way out by ducking away, by not facing those fears, and that’s incredibly disappointing.”
A tear falls down my cheek as I nod. “I’m sorry. I... thought I was doing the right thing.”
“You thought you were protecting your heart from further damage.” He leans even more forward, his hand connecting with my knee. “But instead, you’ve created a gap in your soul by relinquishing the most important aspect that holds us all together—the ability to persevere and to love. And that’s a decision you’ll have to live with.”
I wet my lips and wipe at my cheeks. “I realize that.”
Theo leans back in his chair and says, “And the crazy thing about it all, when I spoke to her last night, I saw in her eyes that she still loved you. That’s what you don’t get. Her love for you is not conditional, my boy. You’ve been blessed with her unconditional love, and instead of protecting that gift, you’ve mishandled it. I just hope for your sake that she’ll give you another chance because, Keller, that girl, that woman, she’s going to change this country for the better with one smile, one kind gesture, and one speech of hope. And if you want to be on the right side of history, you better do everything you can to win her heart back.” He lifts the glass of water on his side table and takes a sip before saying, “You’re excused.” He presses a button, and the doors open, Ottar standing, waiting for me.
One hand on my shoulder, he guides me out of Theo’s office chambers and straight to the servants’ quarters, where I spend the rest of the day trying to figure out what the hell I’m going to do.
* * *
As I’mbent over my desk, I hear a knock at my door. Not bothering to turn around, I answer, “Come in.”
The door opens and then shuts, followed by the soft voice of Lara. “I heard what happened.”
Everyone’s heard what happened. News about my suspension quickly spread throughout Strombly, and it’s probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. I can’t even think about it, it makes me so sick.
Keeping my head down, I say, “Yeah, it was the right move for King Theo to make. I fucked up, didn’t show up for the job, and now I’m paying the consequences.”
“Those are the facts, but how are you feeling?” She sits on my bed, which is next to my desk.
