Page 239 of The Virgin Romance Novelist Chronicles
“I do. A true blessing, but at the expense of any little dignity I had left.”
“And here I thought you lost it after farting on a man’s chin and dropping Ben Wa balls in front of all of Henry’s coworkers.”
“One would think those would be sufficiently damning.” I shake my head. “Nope. The universe decided my life wasn’t embarrassing enough, so it made me poop.”
Delaney sighs. “I blame the schools. They said nothing about poop.”
“Talk about the perfect form of birth control. If you get pregnant, be prepared to spread your legs and poop in front of not only a half-dozen strangers but also your significant other.”
“May your dignity rest in peace.”
I pop another ice chip in my mouth. “Amen.”
* * *
HENRY
Puff. Puff.
“So she pooped.”
I nod. “Yup. And you know what . . . I don’t even fucking care, because I’m in awe.” I lean my head against the stone wall of the parking garage. “You should have seen her, Derk, she was phenomenal. She was in labor for twelve hours and handled it like a pro. Yeah, she might have smacked me a few times, told me to die at least three, and pinched my nipple whenever her fingers miraculously snagged it, but she pushed a human out of her. She gave me a son.”
“She told you to die?”
“Oh yeah.” I look into the distance. “I’ve never seen or heard anything like it before. It was as if a zombie crawled out of her throat, stared me in the eyes, and told me to drop dead.” I shake my head. “Her voice was so deep, like a demon with a bad cold. It was terrifying.”
“I’m shivering just thinking about it.” He taps his cigar with his thumb. “But now that he’s here, are you ready?”
“To be a dad?” Derk nods his head. “Is anyone ever really ready? We took the classes and we read all the books but now, it’s real. I don’t think I am, but you know what I’m ready for?”
“What’s that?”
“I’m ready to protect them.” My throat gets tight. “I’m ready to throw down my body for the both of them. I would do anything to protect my family and I think that’s a start, don’t you?”
“It’s the perfect start.” Derk claps me on the back. “All right, I want to meet this boy of yours.”
“He should be done with his testing by now.” I hold up the Twix bar Rosie wanted. “And hopefully by now Rosie is ready to see me again.”
“What do you mean ready to see you again?” Derk asks as we walk toward the hospital, our cigars put out and thrown in the trash.
“Well, I guess she’s really mad about never really knowing what happens to a woman’s body after birth and every time I look her in the eye, she points to the diaper she has to wear and says it’s my fault.”
Derk lightly chuckles. “A diaper? Goddamn, I’m glad I’m not in your shoes right now.”
I press the button for the elevator, shifting on my feet as hospital staff breeze past us. I’m tired as fuck, and I haven’t taken a shower in two days because Rosie demands I take one when she can take one. It’s a fair trade. And all I want to do is cuddle up with my girl and tell her how amazing she is, but I’m on thin ice right now . . . or at least my penis is.
The elevator doors part and I press the floor for the maternity ward. “Your time will come. You want kids, right?”
“Hell yeah, but Delaney isn’t there yet. She still has a lot to accomplish before she moves out to the burbs with you guys.”
“It’s a good life. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”
After we make it past the locked door, I direct Derk to the room in the corner, room 505, where my entire life is resting. Quietly, I push the door open to find Rosie sitting on the bed, our son snuggled up in her arms, breastfeeding.
She’s a fucking natural. I knew she would be. She has the sweetest heart and so much love to give, especially to our little boy. For a second, she looks up and makes eye contact with me, all the hatred and animosity devoid from her face as she smiles with a beam of a thousand sunshines. I take a step in and she wipes a tear away.
“He’s nursing.” She gives me a beautiful smile and then looks at our son.
