Page 215 of The Virgin Romance Novelist Chronicles
Delaney had so many people at her party because they were mainly coworkers andallas raunchy as Delaney. They would never miss a good penis party.
They wore their whistles, blew them with pride, stroked Derk’s life-size body, eyed the pink bull-riding penis, and devoured every last mouthful of wiener food.
Once everyone was in attendance, I stood on top of a chair to gain everyone’s attention by blowing my whistle.
The room fell silent and all eyes were on me. “Thank you all for coming today. I am the maid of honor, Rosie.” I pointed to my penis pin that Henry made me. “I will be your host for tonight, so if you need anything, let me know. I see that you helped yourself to food and drinks already. I will be sure to ask the kitchen to make some more snacks. Before the festivities begin, I wanted to go over a couple of things. First of all, you were all handed an elephant condom when you walked in. That is for you to wear on your leg. Last person with it still rolled tight on their appendage at the end of the night will win a special prize. Let’s just say it fits in with the theme of the party.”
“I think it’s a dick, ladies,” Delaney screamed and everyone cheered. I refrained from rolling my eyes.
“Second, we’ll be moving around the room in a circle when it comes to activities. We’ll start with penis carving, followed by pin the penis on Derk—”
“Everyone better aim for his eyeballs, because I’m taking the win on that game,” Delaney once again shouted, followed by more giggles.
“After the penis pinning,” I carried on, “we’ll be getting our ride on. I’ve been told if you stay on the bull for more than eight seconds, it will jiz into the crowd. I’ve marked off the splash zone with those two penis construction cones over there. If you’re looking to be sprayed, then those cones will be your best friends.”
“Let’s all get squirted in the eye tonight, ladies.”
Cheers erupted, cutting me off again.
The devil child wanted to run its arm up my throat and choke Delaney with its fetus fist, but I tamped it down, reminding Beelzebub that this was Delaney’s night, and if she wanted to continue to incessantly interrupt me . . . that was her right.
Gritting my teeth, I continued. “Then we’ll move over to the Dong Bong Olympics to see who can guzzle the most cum within a minute.”
“It will be like sipping wine at church,” Delaney said, jumping up and down. “You will guzzle, wipe, and then say, ‘Glory be to the Dong’.”
“You don’t have to do that.” I shook my head, not wanting to offend anyone. Being a Catholic girl myself, I knew how sensitive people could be.
“Dong be with you,” Delaney said, holding out her arms to everyone, as if she was blessing each and every one of their penis straws.
And in unison, the ladies said back, “And also with your spirit.”
Laughter ensued after, and I couldn’t tamp it back anymore. Baby beast got the best of me.
“Will you dick jerkers let me finish what I’m trying to say?” I screamed, pounding my foot on the chair I was standing on and clenching my fists to the side.
All laughter ceased and the room fell silent. My eyes were closed shut so I could scream loud enough for the next six blocks to hear, so I wasn’t aware of the looks I was getting until I peeked one peeper open and saw the horrified faces staring up at me.
“Heh.” I laughed, relaxing my shoulders. “That wasn’t awkward at all. Look at us, all having fun.” I cleared my throat while Delaney pulled on my arm. I squatted down to hear what she had to say.
“Are you all right?”
“Chipper as a chocolate chippy.” I smiled, hating my response. “Just want to make sure everyone hears the game options we have to offer tonight. Don’t want to make one of the games feel left out. That wouldn’t be fair, now would it?”
“Why do your eyes look like they are about to bulge out of their sockets? Are you high?”
“On life.” I patted her shoulder. “I am very high on life.” I stood up and faced the crowd once again. “Sorry about the brief intermission from Cranky McCrankPants. It won’t happen again. Ahem, as I was saying, after the Dong Bong Olympics, we will scoot over to our last event, the smashing of the penis piñata. Be sure to wear your protective dickwear when we get to that event.” I laughed and put on the penis sunglasses I bought everyone. I poked the lenses and said, “No cock shards are going through these bad boys.”
My little outburst had really killed the mood, so instead of continuing to run my mouth, I hoisted my arm in the air and said, “Let the games begin.”
I held it high and still, waiting for a cheer from the crowd, but everyone stood silent.
“Let the games begin,” Delaney repeated, which caused everyone to cheer and don their elephant condoms.
It was going to be that kind of night.
* * *
“Look at me, I’m jizzing on everyone,” Delaney shouted, completely drunk and hanging on to the penis bull, not letting go. She was currently the only one left with the elephant condom on her leg, since she was smart enough to take off her heels and not poke a hole through the latex.
