Page 17 of The Virgin Romance Novelist Chronicles
There was one thing I had to be grateful for. Even though it was mortifying, I was glad my friends were trying to help me in my endeavors to de-virginize myself. If I was on my own, who knows who I’d be seeing and what I might be sticking up my vagina? Without them, I might very well still be making out on my arm to the thought of my latest book boyfriend while casually thrusting my hips into my mattress, just hoping that a penis would sprout up for me to hump against.
What the hell kind of thought was that?
Shaking my head, I lay down and told myself to sleep. The porn was starting to get to me.
Chapter Four
The Red Brick Road
Fabio was lying across the bed waiting for his medieval mistress to release her chastity belt and finally let him claim Mayberry’s flower from the garden she’d beautifully prepared for him. He watched as she walked toward him while shedding her clothes, starting with her white cotton bra. He noticed her breasts were significantly different sizes but he shook the revelation out of his head and focused on the belt she was loosening around her waist. She dropped her underwear to reveal a silky patch of bright red curls that matched the same curls on her head. Fabio started to drool over the idea of being able to get lost in the curls on her head and in her magical garden . . .
“No, you can’t write about curtains matching the drapes. Are you insane?” Delaney asked from over my shoulder, scaring the ever-loving crap out of me.
“You guys can’t keep doing that,” I yelled while covering my computer screen with my hand.
“Medieval mistress? You’re better than that, Rosie.”
“I know I am,” I said, but I felt deflated. “To be honest, I don’t even know if I want to do a medieval book anymore. The sex seems so clumsy with all that armor and whatnot. I mean, where does he put his sword? Just throw it to the side?”
“No, he sticks it in her pussy, duh.”
Rolling my eyes, I shut my computer and grabbed my purse. “I’m not talking about his pork sword.”
“Wow.” Delaney laughed. “Henry told me you watched porn last night but I didn’t think he rubbed off on you that much.”
“I can be sassy if I want,” I responded with my head held high.
We both walked out of the apartment and headed down our stairs where we ran into Henry carrying a box of pizza and a six-pack of beer. The man could eat and drink anything he wanted and not gain a pound. How was that fair?
“Dinner, ladies?” he offered.
“Sorry, we have an appointment,” I said quickly as I tried to pass him. But of course, the smile on his face stopped that.
“What kind of appointment?”
“Time to pluck the bush out of the ‘lady garden’,” Delaney said while using air quotes. “Shredding the weeds.”
Henry raised an eyebrow at me and then glanced at my crotch.
“You all natural down there, love?” This was mortifying. First I tell him the size of my nipples, now if I’m au naturel?Why am I so open with my friends again?
Covering my crotch with my hands—because when he looked at me like that I felt as though I wasn’t wearing pants—I said, “Don’t stare, and no. I’m trimmed.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“She’s getting a wax,” Delaney stated.
Cringing, he looked at me with pity. “Damn, have fun with that. Show me later?” He wiggled his eyebrows. Always a tease.
“Get out of here.” I pushed him to the side and exited our apartment building.
As Delaney and I walked to the subway, she talked about her day at Cosmo and having to test out different kinds of tampons, at least it wasn’t cat poop scoopers. I would rather fondle a tampon any day over a certified shit sifter.
“So, Henry seems to be interested in your new endeavors,” Delaney said while we were on the subway heading to the salon.
“Doesn’t seem different to me.” I shrugged my shoulders and checked my Instagram feed.
“Oh come on, he’s clearly interested in taking your virginity.”
