Page 168 of The Virgin Romance Novelist Chronicles
“Let’s see,” I said, cocking my foot back.
Without even blinking, Henry stepped away and covered his crotch with his hands. “Are you insane right now?”
Putting my foot down, I laughed out loud. A maniacal screech of hysteria ripped through my body and popped out of my mouth. Uncontrollably, I heaved in amusement, gripping the display of edible underwear, and from the look on Henry’s face, he was confused and partially terrified.
Men were so protective of their penises.
I laughed to the point that tears fell down my cheeks and the store clerk had to ask Henry if I was losing my mind.
Anyone else would have laughed at the judgmental store clerk, but from the mention of losing my mind, I thought about how, lately, it felt like I was. Sir Licks-a-Lot was driving me crazy. He liked to hump Henry’s shirts, stare at us while having sex, and even paw my nipples at night without my permission. I hated that he made them hard each time; bestiality was not my thing, but Sir Licks-a-Lot sure thought it was—the pervert.
Before I knew it, my laughter turned into sobbing uncontrollably. I covered my face and slouched against the edible underwear, as a tidal wave of sorrow blasted through my body.
Henry knelt before me and removed my hands from my face so I had to look at him through my blurry, water-soaked eyes.
“What’s going on?” he asked. “I love you, Rosie, but what I just witnessed can only be described as something straight from a Stephen King book.” He took a deep breath and continued, “You’re laughing your face off like a lunatic one second, so much that I could have swung like Tarzan from your uvula, and then the next second you’re crying like you had to sit down to catch yourself. You’re scaring me.”
A few tear-soaked hiccups popped out of me while I tried to catch my breath. I wiped my eyes, trying to dab around them to avoid makeup smearing, but unfortunately, I knew there was no hope. It would look like a jail cell was smeared down my face.
“I don’t know what’s happening,” I answered honestly, still trying to catch my breath. “That guy asked if I was losing my mind, and I think I am.”
Henry pulled me up off the floor and kissed the top of my head. “I think you’ve had an exciting day, that’s all.”
I nodded in agreement. “I also haven’t had sex yet tonight, and I think that has me all wound up.”
A snort flew out of Henry as he shook his head. “You can’t be serious.”
I dusted off the back of my dress and moved along the aisles as I spoke to Henry. “I’ve never been more serious in my life, Henry. You think it’s easy being around you, with your cologne floating in and out of my nose and those tight clothes you wear that show off your butt and shoulders from behind? Honestly, I can’t be held accountable for what happens when I’m around you. You have my emotions out of whack.”
“Don’t blame this on me.” He gave me a stern look, but there was humor behind his eyes. “If that’s your excuse, I am turning it right back around on you.”
“What do you mean?”
Henry pointed up and down at my outfit as he spoke. “That dress. It’s short and frames your curves perfectly. All I want to do is rip it off you.”
“You do?” There was an overwhelming urge in my body that wanted to Hulk-style rip my dress off, flex my boobs to pop my bra to the ground, lay Henry on the floor, and whack my boobs across his face until he screamed for mercy.
Not my best thought ever.
“Of course I do.” His sexy grin stretched across his face and that was all it took.
Without even thinking, I tossed my glasses into a bowl of fruit-flavored condoms, flung my leg around Henry’s waist, which hiked the skirt of my dress up, and gripped Henry’s head so I could run my hands through his hair. With the precision of a drunk person, I wildly messed his hair and drove my mouth over his, clinging to every piece of his body. He held on to me so I didn’t fall, but he was by no means engaging in the same throw-your-glasses-into-a-bowl-of-condoms passion.
Disappointed, I distanced myself from him and took in his appearance. His shirt was undone, he was breathing hard from the attack he’d just encountered, and his hair reflected the same kind of hairstyle as Albert Einstein. And yet . . . I was still very much attracted to him.
Damn you, Virginia.
Patting his hair down and tucking in his shirt, he said, “Umm, that was interesting. Want to discuss what that was all about?”
“No,” I said with a lift of my chin, digging my glasses out of the condom bowl.
“You sure? Because in the past ten minutes, you’ve threatened to probe me with a very life-like plastic penis, you’ve laughed so hard I saw your uvula, sobbed on the dirty floor of an adult toy shop, and then followed up all of that by throwing your glasses into a bowl of condoms only to maul me afterward. Call me crazy, but your behavior just seems a little erratic.”Am I losing my mind, folks? I’m on the edge here. Help.
“Of course you would think that.” I paused, trying to figure out how to defend myself. “You just lack passion, that’s all.”
“I lack passion?” Henry asked, pointing to his chest, his perfectly tan and defined chest. I stared at his skin that peeked past the open button of his shirt and envisioned my hand running down the front of his pecs, maybe giving his nipples a little tweak. “Are you listening to me?”
“Huh?” I asked, drawing my attention away from his chest and giving him an innocent smile.
